


Do You See Me?

by poorly_animated



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Anal Sex, Blood Kink, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Coming Untouched, Communication Failure, Crimes & Criminals, Crying, Dom/sub Play, Drunk Blow Jobs, Drunk Sex, During Canon, Elevator Sex, Established Relationship, Fisting, Friends With Benefits, Greed Island Arc, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Insecurity, Intoxication, Jealousy, Karaoke, Knifeplay, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Open Relationships, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Quiet Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Shower Sex, Size Difference, Smoking, Stabbing, Trauma, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:48:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29187342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poorly_animated/pseuds/poorly_animated
Summary: Phinks and Feitan dive into Greed Island (and each other—this is smut, after all) in an attempt to escape Pakunoda’s memories. Carrying an extra lifetime is already changing their relationship, even if they don’t want to admit it, and they struggle to separate past from present.
Relationships: Feitan/Phinks (Hunter X Hunter), Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Phinks, Machi/Pakunoda
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	1. Oh, Compassion

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been working on this fic for some time now and I don’t imagine it’ll be “finished” all that soon, but hopefully I can update it semi-regularly.

“Phinks. Phinks!”

He shakes his head. Feitan takes his arm. Phinks jerks away and Feitan corners him behind the stairs, reaching out for him again.

“Phinks—“

“Fuck,” Phinks finally whispers. He swallows hard and pulls Feitan close, embracing him as though he might soon disappear. “Sorry, I—“

“I saw,” Feitan hisses. He cranes his neck to peer down the hallway. His grip on Phinks tightens as his eyes land on the television showing the inside of the auction hall. “Game is up. Kids bidding.”

“I can’t go near those kids, Fei,” Phinks mumbles hoarsely.

“Phinks—“

“No.” Phinks steps into the hall and starts walking. “We’ll—we’ll find something else to steal, I promise.” 

Feitan’s concerned frown falls open. “They just children, Phinks, easy to—“

“We’re not fucking killing those two, Feitan. Ever. I don’t care—that bastard with the chains will have another weakness. We’re  _ never _ going to touch them.”

The crowds of auction-goers blur and stretch as Phinks storms outside. He burns his thumb on the lighter. Feitan is already snatching the cigarette from his mouth. “Follow,” Feitan says slowly, “easy following. Why do kids go to auction? Why do they bet on game?”

Phinks takes a deep breath and slicks his hair back, all nervous hands and darting eyes as he reaches for another cigarette. Feitan sighs and flicks a lighter up from his sleeve. Eyes meet over the flame. Phinks pulls back slowly. “Sorry, Fei, I just—okay. They came for the game, too?”

“Yes,” Feitan whispers, “but not winning.” His eyes narrow. “But close,” he adds in a low hiss. 

“Feitan,” Phinks says hoarsely. He closes his eyes as the other man looks at him. “Did you see her, too?”

Feitan places a hand on the blonde’s crossed arms. “Yes, and think her thoughts,” he whispers, “she—you said best.” He shivers slightly and steps closer. The burning end of his cigarette illuminates the stolen diamond cufflinks on his partner’s wrists. He exhales slowly and tilts his head back to look up at Phinks, fingering the lapels of the blonde’s suit. “She—“

“We’re—we’ll find—“ Phinks mumbles, “okay, so who’s gonna win the games? We can just—“

“Thank you,” Feitan whispers. The cigarettes hiss as they hit the pavement. 

  * • •



Their drinks are just coming to their table when they feel the prickling rumble from down the hall. Feitan’s eyes widen. 

“No way,” Phinks chuckles. 

They listen.

“A tryout? What do you say?”

“What else?”

Feitan lands on the hood of the car and it swerves, both driver and passenger leaping straight into Phinks’ waiting fists. Two cracks and they slump to the ground. Feitan swings into the driver’s seat and yanks the wheel, laughing giddily as Phinks crashes into the seat beside him and scrambles into the back. 

“Got it!”

Phinks whoops as he flings himself from the moving vehicle. Feitan skids to a stop at his left, holding up a grenade pin, and they exchange a grin as the car explodes behind them. 

“We bandits. Of course we steal,” Feitan snickers. 

“Let’s go back to the hideout and play!”

  * • •



The building is as hushed and dark as ever. Everyone sits alone today. Phinks shivers and ducks past the quiet shadows and the ghost who used to be Machi and the mound of candles and flowers towards the back room, seeking his bags beside the bloody chair that Feitan used for his most recent victim. Feitan pulls what remains of the door shut behind him and darts straight into Phinks, squeezing him tightly when the enhancer grunts in surprise. Phinks clumsily bends over to set the game aside. His hand lands on the small of Feitan’s back and then their bodies are sinking to the bloodstained stones and their mouths are melting together. 

“Fei—“

“Get this off,” Feitan hisses. He tugs at the buttons on his tuxedo and writhes out of it, flinging the jacket across the room. “Yours, now.” 

Phinks’ fingers slip under his bow tie and then his whole body has shed its false skin and he is on top of Feitan again, clumsily pulling at the stiff trousers as their tongues meet. He exhales a laugh into the other’s mouth when he feels cold hands on his bare chest. His mouth travels. Thoughts pale away as he inhales the acrid scents of gunpowder and gasoline clinging to the soft skin of his lover’s neck.

“You want something, Fei?”

“Now.”

Their voices stay as low whispers hidden in each other’s ears. Feitan gasps at the scrape of teeth against his skin and the pressure of a large hand between his legs. 

“Need you,” he breathes as softly as he can, “no knowing if—if, well. Good kills. Hurry.” 

“C’mere,” Phinks murmurs into his lips. His eyes dart from the shoddy excuse for a door to the makeshift armchair Feitan constructed from crates and blankets. He lifts his partner and staggers over. “Afraid to lose me, huh?”

Feitan’s legs are around Phinks before their bodies ever land. He digs a clawed grip into the side of the larger man’s face and waits to answer the question until a droplet of blood rolls down a few golden strands of hair and a slick finger is pushing into him. “You the only thing belongs to me,” he laughs breathlessly. He yanks Phinks into a rough kiss and rocks his hips down. 

Phinks curses under his breath at the moment of their lips parting. He thrusts his hand deeper. His finger stretches and curls. A small cry is stifled in his chest. “Gotta stay quiet, baby,” he whispers into black hair. 

“Trying,” Feitan gasps. His lover’s fingers always seem impossibly large when they get started. He whimpers as the hand pulls back and slowly presses two thick fingers into him. “Mm!”

“Always so tight.”

Slim legs spread wider and a hard cock grinds against a thigh. Soft grunts escape the pair. Fingers spread carefully and Feitan whimpers again, arching his back. “Oh!”

Phinks grins and leans back with a clumsy handful of lube. His other hand continues its deliberate plunging. He stoops over Feitan’s slender figure on the boxes, pulling his legs up around his back, choking any sounds out of his throat as he slowly slides a few inches of his cock inside of him. Feitan writhes in his grasp as Phinks keeps moving, trying to ignore his body’s urges and let the smaller man adjust. Warm muscles envelop his cock. He has to stay focused, has to keep going slowly, has to suppress how badly he wants to pound into Feitan as hard as he can, knowing his lover can’t take his full force just yet. Fucking him so slowly always makes him feel like he’s drunk. He grunts a quiet curse as small hands claw at his tight grip. After a few minutes, he feels the muscles around him loosen slightly. He thrusts deeper, grinning as his lover’s eyes flutter shut. “You love it, don’t you, Fei? Love this big cock in your tight little hole?”

Feitan gasps when his throat is released, arching his back towards the powerful body above him as Phinks’ low growl fills his ears. “I, I take more,” he rasps, “can, harder, Phinks.”

“Stay quiet,” Phinks whispers to a freckle on Feitan’s neck. He sucks the skin into his mouth and smothers the small figure’s reaction. “Quiet, Fei,” he teases as he rocks his hips faster. A high moan is trapped between his fingers. He grunts each time their legs slap together. “Fuck, I love fucking you,” he breathes as he straightens his back once more, moving his hands down to clutch his lover’s hips.

“Oh, yes,” Feitan gasps, “fuck me, fuck me, so good like, like this, aha yes, my, good, b-big, oh, OH—fuck—“ His back jumps up and he bites down on his hand. “Mmmph,” a guttural sound, repeating higher when his lover’s thick cock slams into just the right spot inside him to make his toes curl. “Mmph, mmhmm, mmph, mmph!”

Phinks lets his mouth hang open at the sight of Feitan’s delicate face contorting around these stifled moans. He wants to hear him, wants to drown in the sounds of his eager yips and raspy moans and hungry gasps but he swallows his own needs and grunts as he goes harder. The others are all too close. They have to stay quiet. Phinks is panting as his head lolls back. “Fei, fuck,” a strangled groan, repeated once more as the slender legs around his waist squeeze him tighter. He can feel Feitan’s body trembling in his hands. He lifts him into a hungry kiss, rocking his hips deliberately as Feitan whimpers and digs his nails into his shoulder. 

“Oh, oh, Phinks, so good,” the transmuter finds himself gasping, “oh, don’t stop, so close—“

Their lips crash together again, each pleased whimper and needy grunt colliding as their bodies rock into each other and hands roam. “Close already?! Fuck, I, I love, I need—tell, tell me,” Phinks groans quietly, “Fei, baby—“

“I love, oh, when, when you fuck me, Phinks, fuck me, I love you, b-big, mm, mmhmm, yes!”

“Yeah, Fei? You, ungh, you like that?”

“So good, baichi,” Feitan moans, too loudly, and Phinks crushes his face into his chest as he slows his hips to a deeper stroke. “Mmmnngghh!”

“Fei,” quieter almost than their breath, “think you could stay quiet on your knees?”

Feitan nods and then he’s on the ground and Phinks is so deep inside him he can’t help the happiest squeal escaping and then there’s a huge hand crushing his throat and the other stroking him even faster than the rough thrusts rocking though him and his eyes roll back. Any gasping breaths that pass his lips carry with them the edges of high moans still trapped in his throat beneath the blonde’s fingers. Phinks groans like a strangled beast. His legs are stuttering and then Feitan is straining against his arms and arching urgently into his chest and so much tighter around him, his neck slick and salty with sweat in the blonde’s teeth, the room disturbed by a guttural moan, and then Phinks’ own orgasm shoots out of him with a low growl and the pair collapses, sticky and panting. 

Phinks leans for Feitan’s mouth but the transmuter is already stumbling away towards the makeshift washroom. He mumbles in confusion as he scrambles for his clothes. He waits for nearly thirty minutes before he wanders through the other rooms, finding Feitan waiting with the game.

“What—“

“Come, we play now,” Feitan murmurs. And then when he actually disappears Phinks exclaims in quiet shock. Some of the others have come to see. Phinks shows them and then he, too, is gone.


	2. There Must Be More Than Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phinks and Feitan start settling in to Greed Island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90% very rough sex with a lot of blood.

The girl is explaining the rules of the game and Phinks is trying to listen. He can’t stop staring at the book hovering above his knuckles. It feels like a real book when he touches it. Find cards, some of them aren’t cards, only a certain number of people can use them—Feitan will understand, so he lets the words wash over him. Find cards. Phinks can do that. The stairs clack under his feet and then he is blinking in the sun and Feitan is barely a foot away from him. 

“Watchers,” Feitan comments quietly. 

“Looking for prey at the starting point? Makes sense,” Phinks responds. He narrows his eyes and nods towards the hills. “Over there.”

“Let them come,” Feitan snickers, “we go now.”

A man appears in front of them sporting a bold leer and Feitan has a knife at his throat before he can finish any threats. “You have cards to share, mister?”

“Return on! To Masadora!”

Feitan trips over his feet as the man shoots out of his arms and blasts across the sky. The pair exchange a shocked look. 

“Okay then,” Phinks says slowly, “should we... go find out what Masadora is?” 

They walk for an hour. The banner on the houses says Antikoba. Phinks speaks to a few passerby and circles back. Feitan tugs him towards a restaurant. 

“Mostly NPCs in this town, and a few guys trying to recruit for teams,” Phinks tells him, and Feitan nods, gesturing at a waiter. 

“Get information here, or steal food.” 

The chef stands firm and the pair realizes they’ll have to sit and order properly so they accept a corner booth. Feitan fits food into his mouth around the questions. Masadora is the only place to get spells. They’ll need to get some Jenny if they don’t want to rush every meal in exchange for shitty cards. The one they win here is labeled “Gargaider,” and it’s not very good. They leave. There are contests and challenges at each corner. People scream at a sudden explosion but not this pair, they just linger and ask questions, learn about the bomber. So there are others who play to kill. Respectable, but they want to get the cards more than they want to cause problems.

By nightfall, Feitan has won three decent cards by cheating in games. Phinks has been accruing jenny, guessing they won’t be able to steal shelter. Most players empty their pockets as soon as they realize he’s not part of the game. Every loose object he collects takes up another spot in his binder. He finds an inn and Feitan stops in the low doorway of the room. 

“One bed,” Feitan remarks quietly.

Phinks looks uncomfortable. “Been a while since we actually had one. Um. I mean... is that... is that a problem, Fei?”

“Do you see her when you see me?”

The question is soft but cold, as though Phinks has just fallen face-first into a snowbank. He sits heavily on the plush mattress. “Not yet,” he mumbles, “you seein’ me, Fei?”

Feitan shrugs. Phinks is before him on the bed, but there is another Phinks beside his body, young and streaked with the dirt of Meteor City. The young Phinks is fidgeting and shooting suspicious glances everywhere except the eyes that are showing Feitan the memory. Feitan’s neck aches as Pakunoda’s thoughts fold over his own. 

_ He should be useful. He seems very dedicated. I’m glad Nobunaga keeps an eye out for the little ones, we’ll need to continue our recruitment if Chrollo truly wants to reach thirteen. And this new boy seemed surprised to see Feitan here, he must know him somehow. I’ve never seen Feitan look interested in a newcomer before. Maybe it’s just a mutual crush. How sweet. _

_ The young blonde—Magcub is the last name someone left on him—throws another broken piece of wood into the flames and stands up, limping over to Nobunaga. I must remember to ask what happened to his leg. The boy seems far too young to smoke, but Nobunaga hands him a cigarette anyways, and he fidgets less once it’s in his mouth. I watch him scratch at one of the scabs on his arm. Looks like he’s been getting into plenty of fights, though some of his scratches could just be from digging through the piles around the trash heap we all call home. Every few minutes, he turns away and pulls something halfway out of his pocket, glancing over his shoulder as he shoves it back in. He must have some little treasure. I wonder if he would show me if I asked.  _

_ “Phinks, right? What have you got there?” _

_ He looks at me like he wants to fight. His eyes are narrow and suspicious, still darting around the group as though this has all been a trap. He takes another drag of the cigarette before beckoning me a bit closer.  _

_ “It’s a scarab.” His voice is a low whisper, conspiratorial and childish. I smile as he shows me the trinket: it is a dirty blue scarab, mostly intact, made of some material I can’t identify. He clearly has a good eye for fine goods. _

_ “Interesting! Do you know what it’s made of?” _

_ His suspicion fades under his pride in boasting about the object: he knows quite a bit about ancient ceramics for some reason, and this piece is apparently typical of a certain period in Egypersia. I can’t fathom how a scrappy kid from the underground tunnels of Meteor City’s fighting rings would know the first thing about such history. Just another question I’ll have to ask. His eyes are on something behind me again. _

_ “Have you found anything else worth keeping, Phinks?” _

_ “Not sure,” he mumbles. How darling. He clears his throat and straightens up, suddenly looking much older—could he be my age after all? “But I know if I stick with Chrollo and the rest of you I’ll find some good shit. And I promise to keep everyone safe, too,” he says very seriously. I can see why Nobunaga brought him tonight. He’s smart enough to distrust anything as easy as a team, but already dedicated to the idea once he’s seen that we’re serious about it.  _

_ “Oh, that’s sweet of you.” I hope I don’t sound patronizing. “You’re an enhancer, right?” _

_ “Huh?” _

_ Oh dear. Did Nobu somehow pick one who doesn’t know nen yet? _

_ “Your nen type, Phinks? You do know—“ _

_ “Oh, yeah. I’m really strong. I’m gonna be stronger, too, just wait. I beat the old man in arm wrestling yesterday, that’s why he asked me to come along tonight. Yeah. Enchanter. I don’t really have a special attack yet, though, I’m just really good at punching people,” he says proudly. _

_ “That’s always needed. Have you spoken to Uvogin yet?” _

_ “Hell yeah!” The kid practically jumps with excitement. He finishes the cigarette and grins at me, a smile so big it splits a scab on his lip back open and he winces as he smears the blood with a dirty thumb. “Uvo seems so fuckin cool, I wanna see him fight for real sometime, not in the stupid matches upstairs. I bet I could kick his ass. I’ve never lost a fight,” he boasts. _

_ Never lost a fight? Interesting little lie. A wise way to stay alive, though. “What happened to your leg?” _

_ The grin falls back into that funny little scowl. “Feh. Tripped,” he mutters, “stupid trash sinkhole, y’know? And then one of the fathers made me stand on it for two hours cause I missed curfew. Whatever. I’ll be fine.”  _

_ “Ah. Of course. Well, I’m glad you’re joining us. You know, if you have any injuries needing attention, you should talk to—“ _

_ “The pink girl, yeah, Nobu told me. I’ll be fine. I never stay hurt long.” The lump in his pocket twists anxiously and he looks behind me again. I resist the temptation to check who he’s looking at. Something tells me it’s Feitan. His cheeks go bright red as he mumbles something.  _

_ “What was that?” _

_ “Oh, uh... y’know that, uh, guy in the red? What’s his deal? I’ve, uh... I’ve seen him around a lot, but never really, uh, heard him talk, or anything.” _

_ Adorable. Maybe this kid can get our little torturer out of his shell. “Feitan doesn’t talk very much, honestly. Chrollo told me the standard tongue isn’t his first language. Why do you ask?” _

_ Somehow he turns even redder. “No reason, jeez. Just curious. Don’t make it weird, god, whatever, I’m—I’m getting another fag,” he stammers, and he’s gone, back at Nobunaga’s side and arguing with him and Uvogin about who is strongest. This should be interesting. On the other side of the fire, Feitan is reading the book I found for him yesterday. I can see his lips moving slightly. He enjoys history, too. I’ll go speak to him about the new kid’s little treasure. _

The older Phinks runs a hand through his hair and Feitan blinks as the memory disappears. He staggers back.

“Feitan?”

“She like the scarab,” Feitan whispers. 

Phinks blushes. “Huh? Oh, that’s—oh,” he murmurs. He reaches for Feitan and the small man allows himself to be pulled closer. “Does it—does it bother you, to see them? Is that why—“

“We share the bed,” Feitan says softly, “we sleep, you—you hold me, no more talking, not today, Phinks.” He kisses Phinks before the question can finish forming. His pants are on the floor without so much as a breath. He tugs at a zipper.

“Fei, there’s no rush here,” Phinks chuckles. He runs his palms under the dark cloak and smiles lazily. “And we can be as loud as we want, babe, don’t you wanna make me scream? Tie me up, have some fun, huh?”

“Need to... just, now,” Feitan murmurs, unable to look Phinks in the eyes with the admission. “Just—Phinks,” he whispers, “can—“

Phinks kisses him slowly. He knows this low voice, knows better than to tease or beg, knows also what Feitan is struggling to ask. His chest aches slightly with the question of what Feitan wants to hide from tonight. He leans back on the bed as his clothes melt away. Feitan is somehow already pouring lube into his hand, already stroking Phinks’ cock urgently, and then he is pulling two of Phinks’ fingers inside himself without another word. He whimpers as the blonde sits up to hold him, closing his eyes against the feeling of his big hand sinking deeper into him.

“Phinks.”

More an order than a name. Phinks curls his palm and cups Feitan’s chin as their kiss freezes around a small gasp. “Yeah, baby?”

“Mm, mm-hmm,” Feitan nods into his shoulder. His eyes squeeze tighter as the thrusts deepen. Long fingers spread and twist inside him. His hand finds the half-ready cock between his shaking knees and strokes quickly. The fabric of his cloak rubs awkwardly against the rhythm of panting lungs. And then Feitan bites down hard, moaning around the mouthful of Phinks’ shoulder as the blonde curses and fucks him harder. His eyes water. 

“I’m, fuck, Fei?”

“Mm-mm!”

Phinks curls his fingers more deliberately. “You’re still stretched from earlier, baby. You want—“

“MMMM!”

“FUCK, fuck, get, fuck,” Phinks growls. He rips Feitan’s hair back and shoves his tongue into his mouth, moaning slightly at the metallic tang of his own blood. His other hand jerks out to grab Feitan’s hips and drags him roughly onto his cock.

Feitan releases a hungry moan into his mouth and bites down on his lip. “Harder,” he hisses through his teeth, “fuck me harder, weak bitch.” He laughs in shock when his hair is yanked back again and Phinks’ lip oozes blood from a fresh tear.

“Oh, you fucking whore,” Phinks snarls. He spits pink froth in Feitan’s laughing mouth and slams his head into the bed, thrusting into him violently. Feitan’s legs shake senselessly. “This what you want, huh? This hard enough for you, Fei?”

Feitan’s eyes roll back as a big arm roughly pins his hair down to the mattress. Yes. He wants to say yes. All he can do is whine. A hand paws at him under his cloak. His back arches up. Something like his lover’s name escapes in a dark moan and he clutches the blonde’s face.

“You, you like it, huh? You a little slut, baby?”

“Unnnnghhhh, don’t stop,” Feitan manages to groan. His claw slips to a muscular neck. “Don’t, oh, stop,” he gasps again.

Phinks grunts and stoops down to kiss him. Their mouths slide and crash together sloppily. “I wouldn’t dare,” Phinks growls. The grip on his neck tightens and he grins as he keeps the movements of his hips steady. He rasps a question before he can be cut off. “Don’t stop, how, how long?”

“Ohh, THERE there ba-baichi, THERE!”

“Fei—urk,” Phinks croaks. He closes his eyes and uses Feitan’s hips to thrust as he’s been instructed. Feitan lets out a throaty mess of yelps as his body quakes, bucking into his lover’s legs desperately. Whatever he says is not in the common tongue. Phinks’ breath whines through his nose. He doesn’t even consider trying to inhale properly until the hand drops away from his throat. “Fei, baby,” he rasps, “how—“

“Mmmph,” Feitan moans, “ruin me.” He drags Phinks into a slow kiss and rolls on top of him, changing the pattern of their hips. Sweaty hair swings across his face as he pulls back to smile at his lover. “My, m-my big man, sooo good!”

Phinks grins and tugs at the hem of Feitan’s cloak. Golden eyes glower at him. “I wanna see you, baby,” he whispers as he sits up. He catches a weak slap across his face. 

“Less look, more fuck, bitch.”

“But I—“

“Phinks,” Feitan hisses. He slams his hips down and flicks a knife out of a sleeve, holding it to the blonde’s neck as his head falls back. Feitan rolls on his knees again and Phinks tries to tilt his head down to look at him. He grunts when the blade presses into his throat. “Robe, stays on,” Feitan adds slowly. 

Phinks strains towards him and twitches as the blade breaks his skin. “Fei, I’m—please let me—ohh, fuck yeah,” he moans as Feitan’s hips start moving again. The blade comes down flat against his Adam’s apple and he groans loudly. “Feitan!”

“Hands on bed or I fuck a corpse.”

“Can’t do that here,” Phinks chuckles breathlessly, “I’ll vanish. We’re playing your little game, remember?”

Feitan growls and climbs off of him, angling the blade enough to draw blood as he shifts his weight. “You must think you funny,” he hisses. 

Phinks grins and snatches the hem of Feitan’s cloak over his head too quickly for him to react, wrapping it tightly around his arms and head before shoving his cock back into him. “You wanna get ruined, slut? Oh, fuck,” he gasps, “oh, I’ll, fuck, I’ll ruin this tight little hole, baby, just, fuck!” 

“NNNGH,” Feitan shrieks through the fabric encasing his head. He can’t see anything anymore but he can feel that he sliced his palm open and that blood is gushing down his hand. The cut scratches against the sheets. As soon as he realizes that means he’s on his knees, a rough grip tugs at his nipples. He writhes desperately as Phinks fucks him harder. “MMMPH! MM MM! MmmMMMM!”

“Yeah, you gonna cum for me, baby? Cum on this big cock, fuck, pounding you open?”

Feitan’s eyes roll in the dark as his body trembles. His head is fogged with fury at the audacity of Phinks uncovering so much of his body, but he can’t focus on that, not with his cock still pounding into him. He rocks his hips into each thrust and moans. His arms form fists in the twisted cloak around his head as Phinks rams their thighs together, his big legs bent just enough to thrust rapidly into him without pulling all the way back. A long arm is half-smothering Feitan’s fabric-wrapped head into the mattress. The other arm seems to be the only thing holding the his muscles of his torso together. Phinks gives a throaty laugh as the length of his cock drives forcefully into Feitan. Something like a scream chokes its way out of the smaller man as his toes curl and his stomach contracts around his orgasm, painting his stomach and the bed with streaks of white.

“Oh, god,” Phinks groans, “oh, baby, that feels so good, fuck!” He leans up and slams into Feitan harder, moaning loudly as the smaller man’s body continues to spasm around him. He spins him onto his back and roughly tugs his clothes back down across his chest. Phinks can feel Feitan’s legs slide weakly down his sides and he laughs again as his lover’s head falls back with a crazed inhale, ducking into his shoulder to deliver a few clumsy kisses. They land on the fabric of Feitan’s cloak and Phinks blindly nudges towards his head. “Fei, baby, kiss me, I miss your gorgeous face, I want—“

“A-asshole,” Feitan gasps, “f-fuck, fucking, said, told you, FUCK, PHINKS!”

Phinks groans as Feitan’s nails dig into him again. He tries to shift his weight and gags out a pained yelp when a bloody fist connects with the cut on his neck. “Fei!”

“BASTARD!”

Phinks freezes. “Feitan?”

“Don’t look at me,” Feitan hisses. He rolls into Phinks’ arms and buries his face in his shoulder, panting as he tries to cant his hips down. “Please, d-don’t, oh, don’t—don’t stop, uh-nnnghh,” he gasps softly. His legs wobble. He whimpers as the blonde’s cock slowly pushes deeper into him, spreading his legs a bit wider to make up for his body’s tension.

Phinks nods and holds him closer as he thrusts harder. “Fuck, I love you,” he moans into his hair, “oh, god, Fei—“

“Mmhmm!”

“Yeah, you love it, don’t you?”

“Oh, Phinks, harder!”

A sharp cry bounces off the wall as Phinks complies. “Yeah, fuck, yeah,” he grunts, “oh, fuck, baby!” He gives up on keeping his eyes open with the knowledge that he won’t be allowed to see Feitan before he finishes this time. His hands are full of soft, familiar flesh and its underlying bones. He can hardly think of anything other than flinging his hips forward. The body in his arms curls and clutches at him, feeling less like a body and more like a toy built precisely for him with each twitch of Feitan’s muscles around his cock. “Fei, FUCK,” he roars, “I’m—“

“Ohhh, yes,” Feitan moans on cue, “my, my big, oh, fuck me, feel so good, so, more, Phinks!”

“Christ,” Phinks groans.

Feitan grabs his face for what passes as a kiss. His forehead crashes into the blonde’s shoulder as he pulls his legs back over his head. “UnnGH!”

“Fei, gonna—“

“DON’T STOP!”

“Fuck,” Phinks whines. There are teeth and claws carving into his skin. His spine curls. Heat pours from his stomach. “I’m, oh, fuck, I’m cumming, FUCK, baby, mmph!” His moans gradually slow against Feitan’s kiss. Their lips fall apart. “Fei—“

Feitan wraps all of his limbs around him and pulls him closer, slowly grinding their hips together. “Oh, stay,” he whispers, “Phinks, more, please.” He grasps a fistful of blonde hair as sweaty chest muscles slide across the front of his cloak. “You fuck me, like this, please, Phinks, I need you,” he murmurs into his musky neck. 

“I know, baby,” Phinks whispers, “I won’t stop.” 

“Oh, oh,” Feitan gasps as Phinks rocks his hips forwards. He squeezes his eyes shut with a small whimper. The blonde pumps slowly and deliberately through the sticky mess between their thighs. “Mmhmm, Ph-Phinks!”

Phinks grunts and holds him close, kissing him slowly with the rocking of his hips. He winces as sharp nails carve half-moons into his ass. “Fei,” he groans, “I—“

“Kiss me,” Feitan whispers. His lips tremble as he reaches for Phinks and then he is pressing up into him as much as he can. He sighs a vague moan into the blonde’s mouth. His legs tangle tighter around his lover’s frame. All he can do is gasp tiny noises with each slow thrust and move his hands, grab anything they’ll wrap around, squeeze muscle and hair and ribs and back and still shake slightly each time they release their tentative fistfuls of skin. 

“I love you, Feitan,” Phinks whispers into his needy mouth, “love fucking, fucking you like this, Fei.” Their teeth and tongues collide messily as he keeps his hips moving slowly, each deep plunge rewarded by a soft noise or claws in his back. Feitan rolls into him. He sinks onto his side and pulls the smaller man even closer, holding his legs like they’re anchoring him to reality, trying to clutch him as tightly as possible. 

“Need you,” Feitan whines breathlessly. He pulls Phinks up and wraps his legs around his waist, grinding into his lap slowly as he spreads himself wider. “Mmm! Oh, ohhh,” he gasps as big hands slide under his cloak and up his skin. He bites again when thick fingers clumsily twist one of his nipples. “Mmph!”

Phinks cradles Feitan with his arms and legs as they melt into each other, trying to somehow kiss and touch every inch of his body without disrupting his deliberate rhythm. “Feitan,” he breathes into his neck, “baby,” his other ear, “oh, fuck,” his hair, his soft, smoky hair, “Fei, you love me, baby? You love me?”

“So good,” Feitan gasps, “oh, yes.” The words are muffled by a collarbone pressed against his throat. Phinks ruts up into him and he squeaks. “I, I love you,” he manages, squeezing his eyes shut against the honesty in his voice, “Phinks, fuck me, I love you.” He bites back a squeal as the hands roaming his back press him closer. His frail chest bounces against powerful muscles. “Phinks,” a low moan, “m-more, I need—“

“How,” Phinks grunts as he thrusts faster, “how you want it, Fei?”

Feitan whimpers and claws at thick blonde hair. “Use,” he whines, “just do, Phinks, for me, oh, ohhh!” He gasps as his own hair is yanked and Phinks grins and then he’s on his back again and the big enhancer is pinning him to the bed with the stretched neck of his cloak. Feitan tries to reach for him but his back arches as Phinks goes harder. The blonde’s hungry leer makes him feel sick. “Kiss, oh, stop, eyes, Phinks,” he moans. 

“I love watching you, Fei, you’re so fuckin’ sexy,” Phinks growls. He shoves Feitan’s cloak up higher on his body and laughs appreciatively at the pale expanse of skin. “God, you’re so hot, baby, I could fuck you for days!”

“Phinks,” Feitan whimpers, “Phinks, stop!” 

“Lemme get this off,” Phinks grunts. He buries himself fully inside Feitan and reaches for the cloak, chuckling darkly when a knife slashes across his cheek. “C’mon, Fei, I wanna—“

“I said no,” Feitan hisses as he presses the blade to the blonde’s throat. He scrambles backwards, wincing slightly as he slides off of his lover’s cock. “On back, bitch,” he snarls, “try again, I take finger.” He quickly licks the fresh wound under Phinks’ eye and hopes that will distract him from his apparent mission to see Feitan naked. The enhancer is usually better at following such simple instructions. He slaps him hard and tugs his cock back into his hole, biting back a low moan as he bends his knees deeper. Feitan swings his legs over Phinks’ torso and faces the door. “Fuck,” he grunts, still clutching the knife in a shaky fist, “fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Phinks suddenly remembers how to breathe and groans loudly with the next slap of their thighs meeting. “Fei, baby, I’m—“

“Shut up,” Feitan snarls. 

Phinks grunts as the warmth around his cock bounces faster. All he can see in the dark room is the shadow of black hair jumping around a shapeless blob of fabric. His eyes land on the point of an elbow shuffling under the cloak and he grins, reaching up to hold Feitan’s hips as the smaller man strokes himself. One hand is knocked away and then Phinks screams as a blade stabs through it, bucking into the air as much as he can while the knife pins him into the mattress. “FEITAN!”

“Ohhh, fuck,” Feitan moans. He leans his weight on the blade and yelps as this makes Phinks’s hips slam into him. “Good boy, keep fucking,” he gasps, “so good for me, best, my big, FUCK!”

“Oh, god,” Phinks whines. He can’t feel his fingers. Feitan’s head falls back with a soft cry and he tries to thrust up again, hoping that another orgasm from the transmuter will earn his hand’s freedom. Small ankles knock against his thighs. “Fei, Fei, I can’t move like this, you gotta let me—FUUUCK!” 

Feitan’s wrist twists just enough to send more blood rushing out of the big hand pinned to the bed. He laughs ecstatically as he fucks himself harder. “B-bitch,” he moans, “don’t need you, aha, stupid fuck, oh, ahaha, behave, bitch! You, you want it? You, you earn, like good boy!”

“You fucking whore,” Phinks growls. He bends his knees enough to bring his hips up, grunting out a laugh as his motions produce high yips of pleasure. His free hand lands on Feitan’s thigh and yanks it roughly to the side. The smaller man shrieks and barely catches himself, rocking down faster into this new depth. 

“Phinks!”

Phinks grunts and reaches his hand between Feitan’s legs. The cloak slides over his skin and he starts stroking, wrapping his hand in quick, clumsy circles as his lover clenches around him. He curses darkly when Feitan’s weight sinks into the knife stuck through his hand again. “Dirty fucking—“

“Phiiiiinks,” Feitan moans, “Phinks, yes!”

“Whore,” Phinks roars as he pinches the tip of his cock. Feitan squeals and grabs his thighs with both hands, rutting into the teasing pain in desperation. Phinks groans and rips his other arm up, cursing loudly as he shakes the knife from his hand and blood gushes from the wound. “You wanna be used, whore? Wanna be ruined?”

“MMMNNNNGGH,” Feitan screams through his teeth. Phinks’ short nails dig into his most sensitive skin and he tries to buck away, only impaling himself further on the cock inside of him. 

“Fuck you,” Phinks snarls. He starts stroking his hand again and forces himself up, clamping the bloody palm over his lover’s open mouth. “Cum like a good little whore, Fei, lemme feel how much you love this,” he growls in his ear. 

Feitan’s eyes roll as his mouth fills with sweat and blood and Phinks thrusts into him with all the violence of a car crash. His legs fall limp around the blonde’s thick thighs. He sucks on the wound and moans happily as the hand between his legs rubs him faster, letting his own arms dangle uselessly from where they’re pinned under huge muscles. His cloak is soaked in sweat and the fabric burns his skin as it rubs between their heaving bodies. “MMNGH, MMMHMM MNNHM NNGHH,” he cries into the mouthful of blood, bucking his hips into each stroke. 

“I, fuck,” Phinks growls, “fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Their bodies fall forwards and he jerks Feitan back roughly, yanking him into the air as he manages to sit on his knees. He shoves the limp fingers of his injured right hand into the sucking mouth and moans into slick black hair. His hips slow just enough to make Feitan’s back arch into him with a delicious whine. “Who’s my good little slut? This what you like? When I just, fuck, fuck you like a whore, baby? I don’t need to earn this hole, it’s already mine,” he grunts in his ear. “Cheap little whore, too,” he adds breathlessly, “always desperate for me, right? Need my big cock in your whore hole?”

Feitan somehow manages to nod enthusiastically between the tremors shaking through his whole body. He sucks eagerly at the bloody fingers in his mouth and squeals as the hand under his cloak tugs harder. Each degrading word his lover breathes into his ear makes him moan. His knees try to slam together but Phinks forces them back apart. 

“Uh-uh, Fei, you’re, you’re cumming like the slut you are, legs spread wide for me, fuck, c’mon, baby, I can feel, feel how close my little whore is, don’t you wanna make me happy?”

“Phinmmk,” Feitan moans around the fingers in his mouth. He gags as they shove deeper. His body convulses with the pressure from his throat and his eyes roll back again as his head jerks wildly into Phinks’ jaw. He whimpers pathetically as he cums again. His hands claw weakly at the wrists pressed against his stomach and throat but Phinks keeps going, keeps rubbing and choking him as tears roll from his eyes. He tries to whine his name again and the fingers rip from his mouth and wrap tightly around his neck.

“Such a good hole, baby,” Phinks moans, “you feel so good on my cock!” He curls down and holds Feitan parallel to the bed, rutting into him at the same pace as his still-moving hand. He can feel the transmuster’s body squirming and trying to escape. He chuckles darkly and wrings his neck with his bleeding hand, releasing his windpipe just enough to hear him rasp something that might be words. “Say my name, whore.”

“Phinks, Phinks, Phinks,” Feitan gasps. “C-can’t, please, PHINKS!” 

Phinks growls excitedly and fucks him harder. “Can’t, can’t what, baby? Can’t, fuck,” he groans, “can’t cum for me again? I know you can, whore, know how much you love this.”

Feitan whimpers as Phinks’ bleeding hand flips to the back of his neck and shoves his panting face into the bed. “Phiiinks,” he whines again, “Phinks, too much, please!” His hips writhe between the hypersensitivity of his skin in Phinks’ fingers and the rough pounding of Phinks’ cock inside him, unable to find relief. “Phinks, too much!”

“No it ain’t,” Phinks grunts in his ear. He bites Feitan’s neck as he thrusts into him, jerking his uninjured hand as fast as it will go. “I know you, Fei, know, know the word, baby. You wanted me to ruin my little whore, remember? And I’m, I’m not even close, baby, you’re pathetic, you know that? Stupid little slut,” he gasps, “you, you can try, fuck, you’re not getting away, baby, don’t care if you pass out, Fei, fuck, I’m gonna destroy this hole.”

“Mmmmmggfffhnn,” Feitan moans into the bed. He can feel enough tension in his lover’s thighs to give away the lie but he doesn’t care, he knows Phinks really would keep fucking him if he fell unconscious right now. It’s what he needs. He can barely feel his own hands except for the sheets curling into the clumsily self-inflicted wound on his palm. He whimpers vaguely as his muscles spasm. Phinks curses in his ear and Feitan moans again, eager to feel him finishing inside him. His nerves are on fire. He feels like he might just be a hole after all, open and slippery and devouring the blonde’s relentlessly pounding cock, and he growls in another language as his own thighs quiver. 

Phinks laughs breathlessly and kisses Feitan’s sweaty neck. He curses again and jerks upwards as his eyes screw shut. “Ah, fuck,” he whimpers, “oh, baby, you’re too good, fuck!” 

“Cum for me,” Feitan rasps. 

“N-not yet,” Phinks grunts through clenched teeth. He slows down with a soft whine and resists the aching needs of his body as he fucks more loud cries out of his lover. “You can still talk,” he chuckles, “haven’t fucked you hard enough.”

“Oh, yes,” Feitan whimpers. His arms collapse forward with a loud cry as Phinks thrusts purposefully into him, each collision of their hips making his knees buckle. He tries to speak but nothing comes. His mouth is full of the wet fabric of his cloak. He whines and clutches the sheets. 

“Yeah, baby? Need to be used, right?”

Feitan whimpers. Phinks grins and starts humping faster again. 

“Tell me what you want, whore, maybe I’ll give it to you, huh?”

“You, you,” Feitan moans. He can’t keep his eyes open or his mouth closed. He just gasps out loud, throaty shrieks with each hard rut up against his aching walls. “Ahhaa, unnnghh!” 

“Can’t hear you, baby,” Phinks grunts. He swears under his breath as his own body clenches, stroking Feitan faster in a desperate attempt to feel his body shake once more. “You, you wanna cum again, that what you want, Fei? Wanna make my dick feel good, whore?” 

Feitan cries vaguely in his native language as his hips jump between the aggressive attentions on either side. His legs flail aimlessly between spreading wide and slamming shut. It doesn’t matter, not with Phinks’ cock ramming into him and his hand expertly toying with him and his hot breath on his neck and his bloody palm pressed roughly to his cheek. Feitan’s body has already made the decision: it will finish once more, even if it feels like all of his skin is about to burst into flames each time his cloak shifts around him. He sobs happily into the bed. 

“I love you,” Phinks groans, “Fei, baby, I’m—fuck!” His hand squeezes Feitan tightly as his hips jerk out of their rhythm and thrust violently on their own. He moans into the smaller man’s neck as his second load tries to push him back. “Oh, that’s good,” he whines, “oh, baby, you love when you’re full of my cum?”

Feitan whimpers as his head is turned just enough for him to attempt to speak. “Y-yes,” he gasps, “yes, please, I can’t—“

“Lemme, fuck,” Phinks moans, “fuck!” He rocks his hips experimentally and bites down on his bleeding lip with a low groan at how sensitive he feels. His cock twitches vaguely inside the slick mess of Feitan’s hole. “Fuck,” he whines again, “baby, is a hand good?”

“Mmhmm,” Feitan whimpers. He sighs as Phinks pulls out, only to shriek as what feels like far too many fingers press into him. “Phinks?!”

“I said a hand,” Phinks chuckles breathlessly. He scrambles for lube and pours more between Feitan’s legs, slowly shoving all four of his fingers back into his hole. He grins and twists his hand as Feitan’s back arches. “Oh, doesn’t my little whore need his sloppy hole ruined, Feitan? I bet you could take more,” he growls softly. 

“Phiiiinks,” Feitan moans as he feels his thumb point into him. His legs tremble and he falls forward, rolling away from the blonde. “M-maybe not,” he giggles breathlessly, “maybe, maybe done?”

Phinks gives him a devious grin and crawls over him, kissing him slowly. “I don’t think so, Fei,” he murmurs as he carefully replaces one finger at a time, “I think you want me to keep going.”

“Ohhh,” Feitan gasps. On the third finger, his back arches off the bed and he grabs Phinks’ head to pull him into a rough kiss. “Y-yes, yes, Phinks,” he whimpers, “why so good to me, why so, oh, yes!”

“Cause I love you,” Phinks whispers. He kisses Feitan’s neck gently and patiently twists his hand, stretching his fingers through the wet slop of his own cum with a smile. “And you’re so fucking sexy, baby, look at you,” he croons softly, “trying to take my whole fist in this little hole, wanna be ready for me, right, baby?” He pumps his wrist a bit faster and Feitan moans. “Cause you know I love seeing my pretty baby with his legs all wide for me, huh, know I can’t resist you, Fei,” he whispers into his mouth, “gotta keep my little whore satisfied while he waits for my cock again.” 

“Mmmmnnnghh,” Feitan groans against his lips. He manages to spread his legs a bit wider and whimpers as more of Phinks’ hand slips inside him. “I, I—“

“You look so hot like this, Fei,” Phinks rasps, “you feel good, baby? God, I love fucking you, Feitan, you’re hot as hell.” 

“Yes, yes,” Feitan whines as the fingers curve inside him, “yes, Phinks, please!” He ducks his face into his cowl to stifle a loud squeal. Phinks’ forehead bumps into his roughly and he looks up at him through dizzy, lidded eyes.

“Stop hiding from me, Fei,” Phinks whispers. He tenderly swipes a few sweaty strands of black hair away from the other man’s damp forehead and kisses him slowly as he pulls his hips closer from within. Blood smears across pale skin and he chuckles as Feitan moans into his mouth. “You’re so pretty, baby, you know that?”

“Stop,” Feitan whimpers. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to dodge Phinks’ next kiss. “Just fuck, please,” he gasps. 

Phinks sighs in frustration but ducks into his shoulder and thrusts his hand harder. A low growl escapes Feitan’s throat and he grins. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Feitan breathes. He reaches blindly between their bodies and strokes aimlessly at any skin his fingers land on, pawing hungrily at the blonde’s entire torso. “My big man,” he moans, “good boy for me.”

“Oh, Christ,” Phinks groans. He can feel Feitan convulsing around him. His aching cock twitches and he curses under his breath. “Fei, baby?”

“AHA, MMMPH!”

“Fuck, okay,” Phinks gasps. He slows slightly and grinds his cock against his lover’s thigh with a small whimper, trying to determine whether he can really manage a third orgasm so soon. Feitan clenches around him and he curses again. “Alright, one more, just for you,” he whispers.

“Oh, Phinks,” Feitan moans. He grabs the blonde’s head again and kisses him hungrily, whimpering as a few fingers slide out of him. His toes curl tightly. “Phinks,” he whispers into his mouth, “fuck me, Phinks, I love you, need to f-feel you,” the words disappearing in a squeak as a cock slips in beside two thick fingers. “Oh, oh!”

“Yeah, baby, that feel good?” Phinks grunts painfully as his fingers rub over his sore cock and he rocks his hips a bit faster, squeezing his eyes shut. “Fuck, you’re a whore,” he growls, “even my cock ain’t big enough, Fei?” He curls the fingers away from his slowly thrusting cock and Feitan’s nails dig blood out of his shoulder. “That’s a good little whore, yeah, take it,” he grunts.

Feitan shudders and falls back to the bed with a soft gasp. His mouth hangs open uselessly and he whines as Phinks slowly starts to fuck him harder, the strange pressure and friction of his fingers alongside his cock driving him out of what remained of his sanity. Tears slide from his eyes and he whimpers. Phinks’ hips crush his sticky hand up against his body. “Oh, yes,” Feitan manages to gulp, “your whore, your, Phinks, FUUCK, yes, there, there, Phinks!”

“Fei, baby, my hand—“

“Please,” Feitan sobs.

“Okay,” Phinks whines. He grits his teeth and rubs his fingers more aggressively, thrusting his sore cock in and out of Feitan as fast as he can bear. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he gasps.

Feitan’s nails curl tighter as warm aura envelops him and he chokes back another sob at the feeling of Phinks strengthening inside him. “Oh, oh god, Phinks,” he moans. 

“All for you, baby, I love you so much,” Phinks groans into his neck. He bends his fingers more drastically and curses loudly when Feitan’s whole body bucks into him. “Jesus! Fuck!” 

“AHHHH,” Feitan screams. His eyes roll and his back spasms and ancient, unknowable words spill across his lips as he cums again, just a tiny dribble, shaking violently in his lover’s strong arms while he collapses into sobs. “Oh, Phinks,” he stammers breathlessly, “please—“

“Sorry, Fei, I’m close, though,” Phinks grunts. He yanks his hand back and ruts into Feitan as hard as he can, holding the sobbing man tightly. “I love you, I love you,” he moans senselessly, “Fei, baby, fuck, I, I think I’m gonna die, fuck!”

Feitan just whimpers and scratches weakly at his chest. His cloak clings to his sweat-soaked skin and he gulps down heaving breaths of air as the tears keep rolling. His lips quiver and break into sobs when Phinks tries to kiss him. His lover’s body is hard and hot and urgent against his own hypersensitive frailty and he lets his head fall back to the bed again, succumbing to the overwhelming power thrusting into him as his eyes flutter blankly. 

“Feitan, please, if you can—“

“M-my, oh, I love y-you,” Feitan whimpers. He cries out sharply as his words drive Phinks faster. More sounds break free but he can’t tell from whom, he just feels his hands weakly grasping at the blonde’s thick neck and his legs trembling somewhere else. 

“I love you, I love you, fuck, fuck,” Phinks moans desperately, “fuck, baby, oh god, FUCK!” His legs stiffen and he thrusts hard as he finishes dry, letting out a single sob as his stomach convulses. “Oh, god,” he whimpers softly. 

“My,” Feitan breathes, and then his head slumps to the side and he’s out cold, his delicate features still stained with tears and blood. Phinks gently kisses his brow as he gingerly pulls himself free. Feitan whimpers without stirring. 

Phinks sighs heavily and reaches for a cigarette, wincing as his wounded hand tries to bend. “Bit much,” he grumbles to himself. He glances over his aching shoulder and frowns sadly at Feitan’s sleeping form. Phinks leans a bit closer, carefully holding the cigarette away from his body. “I... I love you, Fei,” he mumbles thickly, “I’m sorry for... for whatever it is, I hope—I hope I helped a little, baby.” He leaves a tender kiss on his bloody cheek and pulls back to gauge how badly they’ve destroyed the room. 

  * • • 




	3. Through Her Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cleaning up after sex triggers memories from Pakunoda.

Feitan’s eyes flash open as his legs hit the water and he moans quietly, sinking back into the big arms holding him. A familiar voice hushes him and he whimpers as the water laps at his knees.

“I got you, Fei, just cleaning up,” Phinks murmurs. He lowers Feitan into the tub as gently as he can, wincing as the water runs through the wound in his palm. “Shit.”

Feitan feels the water on his stomach and opens his eyes again, anxiously staring into Phinks’ soft smile. “What?”

“Just a bath, Fei, you—“

“My clothes,” Feitan hisses, “get—get out.” He scratches Phinks’ arm and tumbles into the water, scrambling to cover himself with his weak limbs. “Get out,” he hisses again.

Phinks’ face falls into confused pain. “Fei, I don’t—“

“Get OUT,” Feitan shouts. He splashes an armful of water over the enhancer and shrinks back against the far side of the tub, trembling like a wounded animal. “Go,” he whimpers. 

“Okay,” Phinks mumbles thickly. He staggers to his feet and into the bedroom, collapsing onto the bloodstained covers with a heavy sigh. He hears the water slosh and closes his eyes. “Yeah, whatever,” he grunts to himself, “fuck you too, Feitan.”

In the tub, Feitan’s eyes and hair are the only parts of his body that remain above the water. His mouth wavers. He dunks his head quickly and gasps as he comes back up, trying to swallow the unacceptable sobs building in his throat. Something buzzes threateningly at the back of his neck. Feitan bites down on his lip and sinks low into the tub, shutting his eyes against the fragmented view of his floating body. Her voice is already humming in his thoughts. 

_ He catches on so quickly I’d almost believe he could read minds, too.  _

Feitan hisses and hugs himself tightly as the memory forms an image: the skeletal frame of his childish body perched daintily on a rusting car and excitedly gesturing to a moldy science textbook beside him. The memories are difficult enough on their own, but having to see his own face is by far the worst part. He would’ve preferred to spend the rest of his life unaware of how freakishly pathetic he’d been as a child, how prominent all the scars had been under the desert sun. Each tiny motion of his frail body sends eerie ripples under the pale, ropy swaths of tissue across his arms and neck. His muscles tense as he watches himself through his dead friend’s eyes.

_ I wonder why Chrollo wanted an interrogator when he already had me. Perhaps my methods are too gentle for what he hopes to achieve when we leave? Well, we couldn’t have known he’d remember how to inflict pain as soon as we got the flames out. I should try to watch Feitan work one of these days, see how he prefers to extract information. He’s been with us for two years and I’ve barely heard the kid speak. He’s always right when he does, though. _

_ “You know, Feitan, someone actually invented that already—it’s called a lobotomy.” _

_ Oh. Now I’ve upset him. He’s clammed up again, his hands curling together and his brows lowering suspiciously.  _

_ “I mean—“ _

_ “Yes. Make sense,” he mumbles. He turns the page and points at another section of the brain. “Through nose?” _

_ I shrug. “Usually, I think. That’s how it worked when I saw one.” _

_ There we go. His face lights up again. “You see?” _

_ “Yes! When I was still in training, one of the girls in my group wouldn’t stop trying to escape, so the nuns decided to see if they could separate parts of her brain to keep her under control. They had the rest of us watch as a warning, I think.” _

_ “It worked?” _

_ “Well, sort of. She seemed to lose her aura, but she never ran away again. She just kind of sat.”  _

_ His excitement morphs into a concentrated frown. “Ah. Too much cut, then. How would you do? You know thoughts.” His voice is so small when he asks questions. Chrollo seemed pretty positive he’s around my age, though, so I wonder if he’s just shy about the accent. Even the elders can’t recognize the tongue he speaks. Poor thing. Maybe he reads so much to practice our language. I’ll have to keep getting him more books. _

Feitan clenches his fists and kicks water out of the tub in frustration. So she had known that, and if she knew, it was likely that Chrollo and Machi were also aware. No wonder he’d received so many books from them over the years, always stolen, of course, with covers and pages usually torn or missing. They’d  _ pitied _ him. But the memory isn’t over just yet. 

_ “Hmm, good question. Well... I have a good idea how thinking works, but I really just know memories more than anything else. I’ll bet you know a lot more about the brain itself. I’ve never seen one,” I explain. Maybe he can show me. Maybe we could work with Machi, sew a thread through the minds of all the cowardly imperialists in the world to split them from reality. Maybe we can make them suffer and end the bombings. _

_ “Never see brain?” He seems incredulous. “But is so... word for nice, but in appearance? Pretty! Is pretty, the grey of it. Wet and...” He frowns and draws vague shapes in the air.  _

_ “Squiggly? Wormy?” _

_ “Hmm, yes, I think!”  _

_ “You think brains are pretty, Feitan? I’d hate to know what else you think is pretty.” It’s so strange to laugh with him. His smile is very silly: it crumples his whole face into this childish glee, completely destroying the intimidating facade he puts on. Even the fading gash that slices diagonally across his throat seems less violent. Chrollo must be wrong about how old Feitan is; when he laughs, he seems even younger than Phinks. He could almost be as young as the little manipulator Nobu found the other day. I have to wonder what this boy would be like if he was growing up somewhere else. What type of person did his mother expect him to be? Or was she the one responsible for the burns and stab wounds? I wish I could see the things children can’t remember more clearly. _

_ “I see many pretty thing,” he says quietly. Is he blushing? I suddenly have the terrible urge to steal the thoughts through his skin, to cheat my way through the conversation and just touch his hand and find out. It’s so close to mine, I’d only have to reach over—but I want him to trust me. I’ve never spoken to him for such a long time before. _

_ “Oh? Like what?” _

_ Feitan smiles again and looks around. The rest of the Troupe is scattered today, hunting for any furniture we could use for the hideout. He scoots a bit closer. “When the sun comes up, is very pretty,” he whispers, “and... most pretty when sun is on... sleeping face.” He giggles shyly and I am so excited I can hardly think of what to ask next, I can’t believe Feitan is confiding in me, I can’t believe I’m not the only one who wakes up early to watch the sunrise touch another’s face. _

_ “I love watching the sun come up,” I whisper back, “and I like to watch Machi when it does, because she always smiles in her sleep.” Probably too honest, but I give him a real smile so he knows I’m telling the truth. He leans a bit closer.  _

_ “I tell you a secret, Paku?” _

_ “Please! I’ll never tell, I promise.” _

_ He looks around again. His body seems electrified by a new energy I’ve never seen in him. Two years since Chrollo found his charred body screaming in the pits and today is the first time I’ve heard Feitan laugh. What could’ve caused this?  _

_ “I stay up late some nights,” he whispers, “with pretty boy. He talk a lot. Is nice to listen. Would like to... something, not sure. Say more for him. Touch him like sun does. I not pretty, but I look, and he smile in sun, too.” His face has gone a warm pink and he jumps back, clearly overwhelmed by sharing anything about himself. “You say, I lobo me you,” he hisses firmly. “Nobody know. I not nice and I—I not soft, I never see pretty things. Sneaky witch.” _

_ I have to hold back a laugh. Nobunaga nearly decked Phinks the other morning because the new kid’s always chattering on loudly in the middle of the night. Now I know who he’s been talking to. “Nobody thinks you’re soft, Feitan. Are you gonna tell me who this pretty boy is?”  _

_ He shakes his head and hops off the car. “Want food? I know best place for maggots,” he offers.  _

_ Oh, this is fun. I can’t wait to bother Phinks later.  _

Feitan blinks at the tiled wall as it comes back into focus. He can’t remember that conversation at all, but he knows it was far from the last time he confided in Pakunoda. Does Phinks have that memory, too? And all the others? Feitan suddenly feels very cold. The water laps at his sensitive skin and he whimpers softly as a few lingering tears roll down his cheeks. 

“Fei?”

Phinks rests his head against the bathroom door and hopes his voice doesn’t betray the emotion choking his throat. Feitan’s quiet whimpers and frightened moans pulled him off the bed a few moments ago, but he’s terrified that opening the door will backfire, so he waits. The noises fade into the tiny sloshing of water. Phinks sighs.

“Feitan, are you okay? I’m just—are you still awake in there? You—you were really out,” he says lamely. 

Nothing.

“Fei, can I please come in? I need to rinse this cut, please, man. I’ll keep my eyes closed,” Phinks pleads through the door.

Feitan squeezes his eyes shut and hugs his stomach. He shakes his head. “Okay,” he finally whispers, “okay, no looking.”

“Oh, thank god,” Phinks sighs. He shuts his eyes and stumbles into the bathroom, feeling blindly for the sink. “Wanna help me out here? You really fucked my hand up,” he jokes nervously. 

“How?”

Phinks’ eyes fly open and then snap shut again. “Um... you stabbed me?”

“Oh, I did,” Feitan says quietly. He leans his chin on the edge of the tub and gazes up at Phinks, tracing the long lines of his legs with his eyes. The blonde’s entire body is a mess of bloody scratches and darkening bruises. He smiles faintly as his eyes land on the gaping wound in his left hand. “Poor baichi,” he murmurs, “my big, brave boy.” 

Phinks grins with his eyes closed and waves the injury at the sound of Feitan’s voice. “Worth it,” he chuckles, “love everything you do to me, Fei.” He stumbles over the bath mat and winces as he unconsciously clenches the bleeding hand. “Owww!”

“Come here,” Feitan whispers. He reaches for Phinks and slowly pulls his hand into the tub, stroking the wound on the blonde’s cheek gently when he hisses at the stinging water. His bath turns a bit pinker. He runs a hand over Phinks’ brow and smiles sadly. “So good to me, baichi,” he whispers. 

“Yeah, well, you’re hot as fuck, and I love you,” Phinks shrugs without opening his eyes. He grins in the wrong direction and Feitan snorts. He turns his face towards the sound. “I said I love you, you mean little fuck,” he laughs. 

“Shut up,” Feitan mumbles shyly. He jumps when some of the skin at the edge of the wound vibrates under his fingers. “You—“

“I really gotta remember that I can enhance things other than my dick,” Phinks chuckles. He sighs and sinks his chin to the edge of the tub, drawing his brow tighter as he concentrates his aura around his hand. “Fuck, this sucks. I give up,” he grunts.

Feitan snickers and lifts the wet palm to his lips, pressing a kiss into it as gently as he can. “You very silly,” he whispers. 

“Oh, I’m silly? That’s cute, coming from the guy making me sit here with my eyes closed as if I didn’t just fuck his brains out,” Phinks teases. His smile falls as Feitan’s slender fingers pull away from his hand. “Fei, I didn’t mean—“

“You can leave,” Feitan says quietly. He shifts as far from Phinks as the tub will let him, curling his body into a knot in the corner. 

“I don’t wanna leave,” Phinks whines, “I just wanna see you, Feitan, but I don’t have to, I was only teasing, I’m fine with—“

“Are you?” 

The question hangs in the air for a moment too long and Feitan’s lip quivers. His eyes dart to his pale reflection. 

“Of course I am, Fei, you know—“

“Don’t,” Feitan whispers. 

“Huh? I was just gonna say I love you,” Phinks says nervously. He lowers his wounded hand into the water and chews his lip. “Fei?”

Feitan stares at the enhancer’s bare brow, absentmindedly tracing the lines of his facial muscles with his eyes. “We no capable.”

“What?!” Phinks kneels forwards excitedly and opens his eyes, already scowling. He sees a flash of pale skin and wide amber eyes and wet black hair and then a hand connects with the knife wound on his cheek and he flinches his eyes shut again. “Sorry—“

“Is hand fix?” Feitan’s voice feels like hot wax drying slowly over a wound. Phinks sighs into the water and tries to wiggle his fingers.

“You fucked my nerves up, so I’ll need a few days,” he grumbles quietly, “but I could go get Machi to fix it.” 

“You should,” Feitan says coldly. He stands up and stumbles over Phinks, reaching for a towel. “We find leave card tomorrow, you fix hand, and come back.”

“Seriously, Fei?! Can we at least—“

“See you at bed,” Feitan whispers as he closes the door. He dries himself off quickly and glares at his filthy clothes. Phinks’ shirt beckons from the floor. He glances over his shoulder and pulls it on before climbing into the bed.

Phinks opens his eyes with a heavy sigh. The wound in his hand is blurry through the pink water, wiggly and soft at the edges. He chuckles uncomfortably as he waves his hand and feels the water pass through. “Gotta compliment Bono sometime,” he mumbles to his reflection. He sighs again and pulls himself into the tub, washing himself as quickly as he can. The soap stings all of his shredded skin. He flinches awkwardly throughout the shower, accidentally encountering bruise after bite after bleeding scratch, and he whimpers faintly when he looks at the towels. The hole in his hand aches. Best to hope Machi will give him a discount. Phinks sinks into the water and holds his knees to his chest. His head throbs. 

“Huh? Oh, c’mon, Paku,” Phinks whispers as the room blurs. 

_ “I’m telling you, Danchou, it won’t cause any problems.” My voice sounds so nasal when I’m pleading like this. I can’t help it. He needs to understand that my relationship with Machi doesn’t pose a threat to the Troupe. _

_ “It just worries me,” he finally murmurs, “for love is such a delicate thing.” _

_ “Most people wouldn’t call that love.” I shouldn’t have said that. He blinks slowly at the ground and I sigh. “Chrollo—“ _

_ “Danchou,” he corrects me. His voice is firm. It’s easy to forget how young he is when he speaks like this. I sigh again.  _

_ “Danchou, trust me. We know what we’re doing. I’m sorry for—I know you love him,” I say softly, “and I do believe it can work.” _

_ Chrollo’s smile is a rare and delicate thing. He looks so grateful. “I... appreciate that, Paku.”  _

_ “I do mean it, dear.”  _

_ “I know. I still think—well, what if it happens to some of the others? It was awkward enough when Uvo and Nobunaga weren’t talking last month,” he says quietly.  _

_ If? How can he not notice these things? Has he not seen the way Feitan relaxes when Phinks is around? I give him my most reassuring smile. “It probably will, Danchou, most of us only have the spider. But we are still human.” _

_ “I didn’t mean for it to turn into this.” _

_ “Machi and I might’ve found each other anyways.” _

_ Chrollo sighs and clasps his hands in his lap. He looks very fragile today, tucked away in a dark shirt and a too-big sweater. “I’m sorry for being difficult, Paku, I just—perhaps I envy you,” he whispers.  _

_ “Danchou.” It comes out as a gasp, halfway to a question. Is he serious? I try not to touch him these days.  _

_ “I—I’m not certain, of course, of anything. You two—you both have a certainty about you, an understanding of yourselves. And perhaps that is the key to... To love. To know oneself and to know another. Yes, perhaps that is why...” He trails off and I can tell I’ve lost him. I glance out at the setting sun. Machi will be waiting to hear how he’s taken it. “But marriage? Really, Paku?” _

_ He’s easier to talk to when he’s teasing like this. “Well, I figure I can steal her a beautiful ring,” I joke back. “I’d never get the government involved in such a delicate matter.” His face softens. “The old ways, Quwrof. In the sun.” _

Phinks clenches his jaw and huffs out a deep exhale as Chrollo’s laugh fades in his mind. He can’t remember ever seeing either woman wearing a ring. And it’s difficult to imagine them walking into a notary’s office to get a marriage license. He shakes his head vigorously and flings himself out of the tub towards the bedroom, grunting in pain as he drags the towel across his aching skin. Feitan is a black shadow on the pillow. Phinks crawls into bed slowly. 

“Feitan?”

He turns slowly and moves closer to Phinks, tentatively touching a bite mark on his shoulder. Phinks nods and wraps around him. “I’ve got you.” 

“Okay.”

“I’ll go see Machi, tomorrow,” Phinks whispers, burying his face in Feitan’s damp hair. The hair nods. He takes a deep breath. “Fei?”

The name lingers a moment. “I... yes?” 

“We aren’t gonna talk about them today, but I need to know,” Phinks says slowly. He tightens his embrace as Feitan stiffens. “We’re not always seeing the same things, are we?”

“Don’t think so,” Feitan whispers as quietly as he can. He’s so tired. He rolls and presses his back into the blonde’s warm chest. His body won’t relax until he asks again. “Do you see me?”

“No,” Phinks yawns into his hair. “Which is kind of a bummer, honestly. I wish I had pictures of you from our whole lives. Even the really shitty parts,” he murmurs. He sighs when Feitan curls a bit further from his chest. His fingers find the familiar fabric of the shirt he’d worn earlier and a lump crawls into his throat. “Do... do you not want me to see you? Are there—well, is that why you keep asking, Fei?

Feitan looks at his hands and nods. “We sleep.” 

“Okay.” 

The bloodstained hole in the bedsheets allows a prickling of fresh air. Both bodies shift uncomfortably, disturbed by the easy pleasure of laying their heads on such soft pillows. Feitan turns and presses Phinks onto his back. His small hands wrap as far as they can around his chest and he ducks under his warm, strong arms. He smiles as the familiar rhythm of his lover’s heartbeat thumps under his ear. Phinks swallows hard and squeezes his small frame closer. Their legs hook together and he yawns. 

“Feitan?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you know, um... that Paku knew about us?”

Feitan lets out a tiny sigh. “Somewhat.”

“Huh?”

Feitan just shrugs. Phinks yawns again, rotating his ankles lazily.

“You said I belong to you before we got in here,” he murmurs sleepily. 

Feitan nods. He waits, drifting off with the slowing of Phinks’ breath. 

“I like that,” Phinks sighs, “I’m yours.” His arms go limp as his head lolls to the side. “Mmm.”

  * • • 




	4. Graveside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phinks visits Machi to fix his hand. He also wants to apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some very heavy things are referenced and implied in this chapter. death, childhood torture and trafficking, war crimes.

When they wake up Phinks scolds Feitan for not bandaging his hand before sleeping. Feitan nods absentmindedly. Phinks sighs. 

“Where to, Fei?”

“Masadora. Need cards, one Leave, for you speak with Machi.” Feitan smiles and shyly pulls his cloak above his mouth. His eyebrows still give him away. Phinks blushes. Feitan touches the blonde’s injured hand gently before turning for the door, gesturing for him to follow. 

Phinks threatens the shopkeep but the cards refuse to be stolen, stranding the pair without a map to Masadora. They ask around and start walking. Forest gives way to desert and Phinks bursts out laughing when the cyclops pops up and Feitan slashes through its eye in an instant. The beast makes a popping sound as it transforms into a card. 

“No one strikes again,” he cheers as he knocks down his own opponent. 

Feitan giggles as they fall back together. “Baichi can remember Odyssey?”

“I know lots of stuff,” Phinks mutters bashfully. 

“Oh, pretty boy smart, too? Is he fast?”

Phinks grins. “We racing there, Fei?”

“Go,” Feitan laughs. The rocks blur past him until he sees a horse and stops to watch it burst into bubbles. He snickers as he darts through them and collects the card. An explosion rings out, swiftly accompanied by a curse in a familiar baritone, and he rolls his eyes as he takes off again. The first few miles are nothing but dust. He catches shadows and whips through two men struggling to defeat a simple opponent, debilitating them without ending their lives. Each manages to summon their books after some encouragement. They whimper pathetically as the lines carved in their chests ooze and Feitan is disappointed by the cards he sees when he flicks through the pages. He decapitates both players with a swipe of his hand and dashes towards the tiny city on the horizon. 

Sunset is melting on Masadora as Phinks dramatically hops through the entry arch to the city. Feitan rolls his eyes and raises a hand. Phinks shakes a fist and runs to him, crashing their hips together so roughly Feitan hits the arm of the bench. The transmuter flinches. 

“Sorry,” Phinks pants, slumping against him, “but yeah, you win. Whaddya want for it?” 

Feitan scans the passerby and smiles shyly into the neck of his cloak. He tugs it down and kisses Phinks; just a blunt meeting of their lips, but secretive enough in its mirth to earn a happy sigh. The cowl comes over his face again and he stands. He gestures to the streets. 

“Card shop now,” he says as he drifts away.

Phinks grins and bounds after him, lighting a cigarette. Strange orbs dangle from the buildings and float between the walls above the streets. This city oozes magic, but none that Phinks has ever encountered: there’s an itchiness to the air that feels nothing like a human aura. It’s stranger even than the uncomfortable pressure one feels when approaching the elders back home. Phinks speeds up and places a hand on Feitan’s shoulder. 

“After this, you wanna see what other towns are in this game? I bet we could find some fun stuff to battle,” he offers excitedly.

Feitan shrugs him off. “Okay. But we meet at starting point first,” he murmurs. 

Their remaining Jenny buys them some decent attack cards and a few for traveling, but no leaves. Phinks tries to ask around but everyone else is also hunting the same card—it seems some players may be hoarding them. He’s complaining loudly in a local tavern when a man pauses at their table.

“You can always leave through the port,” he says slyly. Phinks and Feitan exchange a suspicious glance before turning to him. Phinks nods.

“What port? And what’s the catch?”

The stranger sketches a shoddy map and points towards the far end of the city. “You’ll have to bribe the harbormaster, and his price can be rather steep,” he murmurs conspiratorially. His untrustworthy smile grows a bit wider at the bored frowns worn by the pair. “I have also heard rumors of players defeating him in battle.” 

Phinks grins and raps his left hand on the table. “Sweet. Fei, you ready to go?”

Feitan nods and the pair is outside in a flash, leaving the stranger to pick up their bill. The forest beyond Masadora beckons. Phinks flexes his hands and winces awkwardly. 

“Dammit, still feels fucked up. Alright, we racing?”

“No,” Feitan says quietly. He grabs Phinks’ arms before the enhancer can take another step. “This a trap.” 

“Huh?” Phinks squints at the trees and shrugs. The forest is quite dark and tangled, far thicker than any they’ve traversed so far. He turns to Feitan with a grin. “Yeah, you’re usually right,” he chuckles, “so, what’s the plan?”

Feitan rolls his eyes and gestures towards a booth labeled INFORMATION in blue bubble letters. Phinks mumbles bashfully and jogs after him. The girl in the booth waves them north, shuddering when asked what would’ve awaited them in the forest. They decide they’ll come back to fight whatever it is another day. Plains disappear under their feet and then they’re on the docks and Phinks hits the harbormaster far harder than necessary and Feitan’s laugh follows him into the strange, holographic room with that same girl who explained the rules. It feels remarkably silly to request being returned to a hideout. Phinks stammers a nearby address and yelps nervously when raindrops suddenly land on his hair and he’s standing a few blocks from the old Catholic school. He dips inside and frowns as he inhales the rank air.

“Phinks?!”

Shalnark hops down from a stack of crates and strides towards him, sporting an amused smile. 

“Where’s Feitan?”

“Oh, he’s still playing,” Phinks mumbles. He waves his hand awkwardly and nods towards the hallway. “I need Machi’s help.”

Shalnark’s bright laugh disturbs something in the rafters. “And how did you manage that? The game can’t fix it?”

“Dunno,” Phinks shrugs. He interrupts the manipulator’s next question. “Where’s Machi, Shal? I gotta talk to her.”

“Third room,” Shalnark sighs. He stares thoughtfully after his injured friend before returning to his computer setup. Maybe Greed Island could be interesting after all.

Machi is sitting in the dark, staring straight ahead, clearly far past the point of seeing the memorial laid out for Pakunoda. Nobunaga snores quietly on a pile of crates behind her. Phinks clears his throat and walks over.

“Machi, do you mind if I sit here, too?”

She doesn’t answer. Phinks sits down slowly and lights a cigarette, offering her one silently. She takes it. A small wave of relief washes over Phinks as he watches Machi smoke, glad to see her doing something halfway normal. Her eyes are red from crying and ringed in bruise-like circles. Phinks stares at his feet and tries to find the words. He could use one of Paku’s memories right now: maybe it would take him away from this moment, grant him a bit of joy, or at least give him a clue as to what he should say. But nothing comes. He finishes the cigarette and lights another, leaning over to relight a candle that was starting to fade. 

“Thank you,” Machi whispers.

Phinks jumps slightly at the sound of her voice. “Oh, hey,” he says awkwardly, “how are—well.” He shifts his legs and stares at the handmade cross shoved into the pile of flowers. His throat is a tangled knot of misery. He tries to clear it and just makes a strange, sad noise. He glances up at Machi again. “Machi,” he starts hoarsely, “I—I need to apologize.” 

Machi blinks slowly as she met his eyes. “Oh.” 

“To—to you, and—and to Paku,” Phinks continues, “I just—I’m so sorry, Machi, I can’t—I never meant—and now she’s—I thought—I just wanted to, to protect everyone.” His voice drops to a thick whisper as he moves his gaze back to the cross. “I’m sorry. I know it—it doesn’t matter, and it’s too late, and—I didn’t... I didn’t trust her, I almost didn’t—“

“Stop,” Machi whispers. She shakes her head, rubbing her eyes. “Just stop, Phinks, I get it. You’ve always been a paranoid asshole, and she knew that, and she didn’t—“

“She didn’t even hate me,” Phinks croaks. He covers his face and inhales slowly. “I’m sorry, you don’t—you don’t need this right now,” he mumbles, “I can’t even imagine—with the memories, Machi, I’m so... I’m just so sorry.” 

Machi shrugs and hugs herself tightly. “It’s... it sucks,” she whispers. She can’t look at Phinks anymore. He’s making her head hurt. She closes her eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. A thought occurs to her and she snorts. “By the way, dumbass, if you ever remember  _ anything _ about me—“

“No no no,” Phinks says quickly, “I’d just—I’m getting better at ending the ones I don’t need to see.” He looks at the grave again and rubs his injured hand absentmindedly. “I... I’m just glad you two knew, you know?”

Machi frowns. “Knew what?”

“That you loved each other,” Phinks whispers, “she really, really loved you, Machi, I can’t—the way she thinks about you, it’s just—“

“Please don’t,” Machi says quietly. She wipes a few tears as her voice shakes. “I... yeah. I guess it’s... it’s almost nice to have that.” 

“Did you really get married?”

Machi’s face breaks open and she flings a hand over her mouth as she turns away, holding in a shuddering breath. She nods without opening her eyes. 

“Machi, I’m—“

“It’s—not now, please, I really can’t,” Machi gasps hoarsely. She shakes her head vigorously and Phinks waits. Machi slowly turns to face the grave again, tenderly lifting a fallen petal from the dirty floor. She exhales a heavy sigh. “I won’t bury her without Chrollo,” she finally whispers.

Phinks nods vaguely. “I just want you to know that I care, too,” he mumbles shyly. He gives Machi a weak smile. “I shouldn’t have been such an ass, Machi, I just really—I didn’t want to lose anyone else, and then I just—I made it worse,” he says sadly. 

“Well, you are an idiot,” Machi murmurs. She nudges Phinks with her foot and scoots a bit closer to him. “But I know, Phinks. And she knew, too, you know that, right?”

“Yeah,” Phinks says thickly. He clears his throat again and shrugs. “She didn’t—she didn’t even resent me,” he whispers, “and I was so awful, I—I don’t deserve—“

“Oh, shut up,” Machi groans. She shoves Phinks’ shoulder with an awkward sniffle. “Um. So... did you just come here to make me cry?”

Phinks sighs heavily. “I kinda got stabbed,” he mumbles, “and my hand’s pretty fucked up. How much would I owe you?”

“Oh, that’s—I mean, nothing out of the ordinary,” Machi mumbles vaguely. She takes his hand with a small sigh and inspects it carefully, gently pressing his torn muscles to assess the nerve damage. Her hands blur as she stitches the gap shut. She looks at Phinks out of the corner of her eye and gives him a wan smile. “Well, I  _ was _ gonna ask if you and Feitan have been having fun,” she teases quietly.

Phinks turns bright red. “What are you—shut up,” he stammers, “we just—we barely—we’ve just been—playing the game, stealing, you know, normal shit, I don’t know—“

“Phinks, you idiot, it doesn’t take a mind-reader to know you assholes have been sleeping together for the past, roughly, six years,” Machi laughs. It feels strange to laugh. Once she starts, the laughter pours out of her, bubbling up in heaving gasps and almost-sobs as Phinks’ face contorts its way through a parade of conflicted emotions, his obvious discomfort only making her laugh harder. “Oh, my god,” she gasps, “oh my god, Phinks, you’re so fucking stupid, oh, my god, I can’t—ha!” She doubles over as the cackling subsides into vague chuckles. Phinks is still protesting loudly. Machi slaps his shoulder and grins. “Thanks, dumbass, I needed that,” she giggles. She snips the end of her thread and sighs. “You know what? It’s on the house!”

“Fuck off, I’ll pay you back,” Phinks grumbles. He fidgets with his lighter as he tries to figure out what to say. “Um... is it really that obvious?”

“Yeah,” Nobunaga yawns from above. Phinks jumps back and glares at him.

“Fuck you too, Nobu,” he mutters, “fuck you guys, you’re just—fuck off, it’s not a big deal!”

“Nobody said it was a big deal, Phinks,” Machi snickers. She fingers another flower petal and smiles to herself. “Though something tells me—“

“Don’t you dare,” Phinks interrupts. He shakes his head firmly. “It’s not—I mean, c’mon, Nobu, you get it, right?”

Nobunaga snorts and rolls to face him. “Do I get why anyone would ever sleep with you? Nope,” he chuckles. He lets out an amused wheeze at Phinks’ face. “Why are you both so weird about it, anyways?”

“I’m not—we’re not weird,” Phinks protests weakly. He feels like his face is on fire. His friends exchange a knowing look and he groans. “Nobu, didn’t you—weren’t you and—I mean—“

“Oh, me and Uvo? Hmm,” Nobu says quietly. He returns his gaze to the ceiling and folds his hands over his chest. “Sometimes. Not as much as you might’ve thought, honestly,” he murmurs wistfully. He clears his throat but falls silent. 

Phinks shifts his weight uncomfortably. “I, uh, okay,” he mumbles, “do you—“

“Phinks.” Machi’s voice startles him. “Your hand would’ve healed fine after another day if you just concentrated a bit,” she says pointedly, “so why are you here?”

“Oh, um, well—“

“You really thought I needed an apology?”

“Well, yeah,” Phinks insists.

Machi rolls her eyes. Nobunaga coughs. “Nobody else could beat you up, Phinksy.” 

Phinks is quite sure his face could not physically be redder. He groans. “Feitan was just—something’s up with him, and he won’t talk about it, and I said the wrong thing, and he said I should leave to get you to fix my stupid hand, cause I think he didn’t want to have to deal with waiting for me, so I did.” He gives her a pleading look and pulls his legs closer. “I’m gonna stay out here a little longer,” he mumbles to the ground. His head jerks up. “And I—I have been practicing that apology, I just didn’t know when to give it.” 

Machi smiles sadly. “Of course you have, you loser,” she sighs fondly. She raises her eyebrows at Nobunaga and he shrugs. “You’re no help. Phinks, why don’t you just talk to Shal?”

“Cause Shal’s an asshole,” Phinks snorts, “and...” His voice lowers as his expression steels. “I just can’t do that to the kid right now. I’m sorry, I know it’s—“

“So,” Machi said drily, “you thought it would be better to ask a widow about love?”

Phinks looks up at her and nods nervously. “Yes?”

“You’re an asshole,” Nobunaga sighs. 

“I know,” Phinks snaps defensively. He buries his face in his hands and sighs. “But I think Fei might not believe in love,” he mumbles.

His friends exchange a glance and burst into laughter. Phinks scowls at them. 

“That’s hardly surprising,” Machi laughs. 

“Not like he’d have any reason to,” Nobunaga wheezes. He grunts when Phinks’ fist connects with his arm. “You wanna go, Phinksy?”

“He—he has reasons to,” Phinks snarls. His aura pulses dangerously around him and Machi kicks his shin. “Fuck you, Nobu, I—I love him, and I tell him so all the time,” he admits angrily, “and he’s, he’s—Fei’s amazing, you bastard, FUCK YOU!”

“Jeez, Phinks, I get it, you’re a fucking fruit,” Nobunaga cackles. He dodges the next punch and places a hand on the hilt of his sword. “One more step,” he cautions. 

Machi rolls her eyes. “Both of you, sit down,” she groans, “and Nobu, stop taunting him.” She glares at both men until they relax, sighing heavily as they curl up as far away from each other as they can get. “So, you tell him you love him, and he... what? Just doesn’t believe it?”

“Well, no, he—“ Phinks groans and lights a cigarette, wondering how to talk about this without describing his sex life. His face heats up again. “He’s said it, plenty of times, I guess, but he just—last night, he said we aren’t capable of it,” he mumbles nervously.

“What does that even mean?” Nobunaga yawns. 

“Do I look like I know?!”

“Did he say anything else?”

“No,” Phinks yelps, “and earlier he’d said—he said he was afraid to lose me, cause I’m the only thing that belongs to him!” His eyes flash wide with panic and the cigarette falls from his mouth as he scrambles to take back the words. “WAIT, fuck, oh god, please don’t tell any—“

“Oh,” Machi murmurs. Her gaze drops to the flower mound they’ve laid out for Pakunoda and she curls deeper into herself.

“That’s fucking crazy,” Nobunaga chuckles, “you gay little bastards.” He scratches his stomach and yawns loudly over the blonde’s continued protests. “So, he loves you, asshole. Congrats.”

“But he—“

Machi suddenly lays a hand on Phinks’ arm and he freezes, turning to look at her. Her eyes stay pinned to the makeshift grave. “Phinks,” she says quietly, “just go talk to him, and stop being an asshole.” 

Phinks sighs and awkwardly pats her hand. “Can I ask you guys something?”

“You’re going to anyways,” Nobunaga groans.

Phinks scowls at him. “With—with the memories,” he asks softly, “do you—do they just come up? Are you still seeing them?”

Both spiders nod solemnly. Machi’s lips tremble and Nobunaga sighs as he sits up. “Pretty weird, huh? And I’ve been shot with her memory bullets before,” he mutters.

“It’s her whole life,” Phinks mumbles, “and—ours.” 

“Hmm.” Machi takes her hand back and manages to tear her eyes away from the drooping flowers to look at Phinks. “And that’s how you found out we were married, right? You saw the wedding?”

Phinks shakes his head slowly. “I saw her talking with Chrollo,” he whispers hoarsely, “about love, and how you guys are—were in love, and Chrollo was kinda worried, cause, um...” He glances at Nobunaga and shrugs apologetically. “I guess Nobu and Uvo were on the outs at the time?”

“Ha,” Nobu wheezes, “I think it was when I started seeing that girl.” He releases a melancholy sigh and shrugs. “Funny, all the things I’ve seen so far, I haven’t seen him at all,” he says quietly. 

Phinks nods. “I haven’t seen Fei even once.” 

“Really? How odd,” Machi muses. She stares at her hands and smiles. “Earlier she showed me Shizuku spilling wine into Franklin’s fingers on one of her first nights with us,” she says softly.

Phinks chuckles and shakes his head. “They’re kinda random, I guess. But we—well, I think Fei and I had the same one at the same time the other day,” he shares slowly. He pauses, but the other two don’t seem fazed by this admission. “It was... it was those kids,” he whispers.

“Huh? The ones I tried to recruit?”

“Yeah, those two,” Phinks mumbles. He shifts his weight awkwardly. “They... they were at the auction. And Paku, she was grateful they didn’t run away, or kill her, or anything... and they... they said they didn’t want their friend to be a murderer—“

Nobunaga and Machi both scoff loudly and Phinks nods enthusiastically. 

“Right, I know, but—um—“ His voice drops to a whisper again. “She... she appreciated them, a lot, and I can’t—I can’t really describe it, but I know, um... Well, I’m not gonna do shit to them, that’s for sure,” he stammers, “and I don’t care if that’s pussy shit, Paku liked them, and I—she remembers them.” 

“Phinks,” Machi says slowly. She swallows a lump in her throat and leans a bit closer. “It’s... why are you telling us this?”

Phinks squints in confusion for a moment. “Oh! Cause I think Fei remembered the same thing, right when I did, but otherwise we—he’s definitely seeing different shit, and he keeps asking if I’ve seen him, and he—can you guys just, swear you won’t repeat this? Please?”

Nobunaga frowns as he nods. “Why so worked up, Phinksy?”

“Don’t call me that, asshole. Well, he said he doesn’t want me to see him,” Phinks explains anxiously, “and I don’t know what that means.”

Machi groans loudly and flops back on the floor. “Phinks, stop asking us what Feitan means by the insane shit he says, alright? We don’t fucking know. You’re the only one who understands him,” she complains. 

“Seriously,” Nobu laughs, “kid’s got some major fucking issues.”

“You don’t even—fuck off,” Phinks snarls. He clenches and unclenches his fists before taking a deep breath and sitting back down. “But you guys knew him before I did, for a few years, right?” The pair exchanges yet another unreadable glance and Phinks rolls his eyes. “What?”

Machi sits up slowly and turns to face him. “Phinks, do you not know how Feitan joined up with us?” 

Phinks shifts uncomfortably. “Not really. I’d seen him around a little bit, and then Nobu brought me to a meeting, and then you guys got us into the orphan barn for a little while.” 

“You’ve never asked?” Nobunaga sounds incredulous. Phinks scowls at him. 

“You can’t just ask Feitan things,” he snaps, “it doesn’t—it never came up.” 

Machi sighs. “Chrollo found him,” she says quietly. Phinks frowns at her and she nods. “He was... he was still burning,” she whispers thickly, “we were... we were looking for food, and we thought someone had a campfire, way out on the edge of the city, but it was—it was this, this child, with—with these horrible, these—god—“

Nobunaga clears his throat and picks up the story for her. “He was covered in this... stuff. It was burning, like Machi said, but it wasn’t really fire so much as... like, how gasoline burns. I think it was some kind of napalm or something. Chrollo grabbed him with his bare hands and threw him right into the dirt, just beat the shit off of him and smothered the flames with sand,” he explains quietly. He averts his eyes from the blonde’s horrified face. “The elders wanted... a lot... in return for treating the burns,” he murmurs, “so Uvo and I paid the debt.” He smiles for a split second and pulls at a loose thread in his robe before letting out a low sigh. “Feitan didn’t speak even one word the whole first year. Under all the burns were more scars, horrible ones, these infected bites and deep gashes, and something like—like—“

“Stop,” Phinks whispers. His hands are shaking as he pushes himself to his feet. “I, fuck,” he gasps, “fuck!” He kicks a hole in a nearby crate and chokes back a sob. “FUCK!”

“Phinks, it’s—“

“I shouldn’t have asked,” the enhancer moans, “this isn’t—he would’ve told me if I needed to know.” He closes his eyes as he tries to calm down. “But I’d seen him, three years before I met you guys,” he whispers, mostly to himself.

Nobunaga sighs heavily. “Phinks, buddy, I don’t wanna be rude, but how would you even know that? You were—“

“I know where I was,” Phinks snarls. He shoves his hands in his pockets with a frustrated grunt and kicks the debris on the floor. “There was a big fight in April, three years before I met you guys, and it was the first—the first time someone showed me a calendar,” he mumbles at the ground, “so I—I know what day it was, and that it was three years earlier, cause when you found me, you—you said it was almost April fools day.” He almost smiles when Nobunaga chuckles behind him. “I saw Fei at that fight,” he says firmly. 

Machi shrugs. “Why would he have been at a fight?” 

“He wasn’t—well,” Phinks pauses awkwardly. He rubs the bridge of his nose as he forces himself to remember. He sighs. “We weren’t actually at the fight, Machi,” he explains reluctantly, “I never... I never went to the pro fights themselves. I was... well, someone left me in the tunnels, so, I was a tunnel kid.” He crosses his arms defensively and faces the door. “But on the day of this big fight, one of the sponsors, um, he was showing me a calendar, cause he asked if I knew my birthday, and I didn’t, obviously, and—when he took me to—in one of the rooms, I saw—I saw this kid like, nailed to the wall, or something, but only for a second, and then—and it was Feitan,” he says as quickly as he can. 

Nobunaga lets out a long, slow exhale. “Damn.”

“Phinks,” Machi whispers sadly. 

Phinks shakes his head vigorously and lights a cigarette. “I know it sounds insane, but I remember his face, because we looked at each other and I—I asked the guy if he wanted to do that with me, and he just laughed,” he mutters. A cold shiver runs down his spine and he cracks his knuckles. “When I saw where he kept the cash, I killed him,” he says more confidently, “but when I went back to the other room, it was empty, and I didn’t think about it until a while later, I saw Fei carrying a big rat and asked where he’d killed it, and when he pointed to the nest I recognized his eyes. And I tried to ask him more but he ran away and then three years later, we were in the troupe.”

“A love story for the ages,” Nobunaga mumbles under his breath. He shouts as a crate breaks over his chest. “Phinks!”

“You never fucking lived in those tunnels, you bastard, don’t even fucking—“

“You need to calm down,” Machi snaps. 

“Fuck both of you,” Phinks snarls. His head aches and he flinches. “Oh, this can’t be good.” 

“Huh?”

Machi jumps up and slaps him across the face. “PHINKS!”

The blonde grunts and shakes his head, sitting down heavily. “Thanks, Machi,” he whispers.

“Don’t mention it,” she murmurs. She shoots Nobunaga a glare and tugs Phinks to his feet. “You have someone you need to talk to,” she says gently, “so go. Ask him what you need to know, Phinks. And please, don’t ever tell me anything about your love life ever again, unless you assholes are getting married, in which case I demand an invite.” She cracks a smile but her friend just frowns at her and she rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, I thought that was funny.” 

“Fei would never marry me,” Phinks mumbles sadly. 

“Jesus Christ,” Nobunaga groans. He sits up and tosses a rock at the blonde’s shoulder, easily dodging the fistful of pebbles lodged back at him. “Getting married isn’t the problem, you idiot,” he sighs, “just—go talk to him, my god. And ditto what Machi said. Let’s never talk about this again, cool?”

Phinks snorts. “You guys suck.”

“You came to my dead wife’s grave to whine about your relationship problems,” Machi retorts. She manages another smile as the blonde’s face falls into distress. “I’m mostly joking. It’s... odd that you two shared a memory. But seriously, go talk to him.”

  * • • 




	5. Karaoke Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phinks returns to Greed Island, where he and Feitan travel to Ai Ai, the city of love. Oops.

The console emits a lonely hum as Phinks drifts towards it. He hears footsteps at the door and turns to see Shalnark grinning at him. 

“What?”

“This was a short visit,” Shal says playfully.

Phinks shrugs. “Like I said, I needed Machi to fix my hand. Fei’s waiting for me to come back,” he mutters. 

“Is he?”

“What?!” Phinks storms towards the manipulator, alight with fury. “What the fuck was that, you stupid little bitch?”

“Whoa, whoa,” Shal laughs, “I’m only teasing! Gee, Phinksy, seems like you’re not so sure, huh?”

“Fuck you,” Phinks spits at him. He stomps back to the console and flops on the floor. He can’t get himself to lift his arms and enter the game, though. What if Feitan isn’t waiting after all? His hands tremble slightly. 

Shalnark frowns and takes a few steps closer. “Everything alright, Phinks?”

“Just—fuck off, Shal,” Phinks snaps. “What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve been such an asshole recently.” He closes his eyes and holds his hands out as he lets his aura flow around his body, and then he’s very warm, and then he’s standing, and he opens his eyes to greet the girl who explains the rules. He clears his throat. “Hey, um... do we always start in the same place? I’m trying to meet someone,” he asks awkwardly.

The girl nods politely and hits a few keystrokes. “I could contact a player for you?”

“Could you? Oh, man. I’m—I’m looking for Feitan Portor?”

“Hmm.” She smiles at her screen. “Yes, it seems he’s waiting for you downstairs.” She flinches at the blonde’s loud whoop of excitement and opens the door, waving him on.

Phinks sprints towards the dark shadow on the plains at top speed and crashes into him, tackling him to the ground in a bear hug. “FEI! I MISSED YOU!” 

“Phinks,” Feitan snarls, “get off, NOW.” He squirms in the blonde’s arms and tries to kick at his legs. “PHINKS!”

“Gimme a kiss,” Phinks chuckles. He squeezes Feitan tighter as the small man writhes. “C’mon, Fei, just—“

“Faggot,” Feitan hisses. He awkwardly rubs his cowl against the blonde’s chest and frees his face enough to press his lips against his jaw. “Done.”

Phinks grins and kisses him properly, cradling his head in both hands as their bodies sink into the soft grass. Feitan bites down hard on his lip and he laughs. “Okay, okay. Where to next, Fei?”

Feitan dusts himself off aggressively as he stumbles a few feet away. “What wrong, baichi? Act like big girl,” he mutters angrily. He hikes the cloak back over his face with a scowl. “Book.”

“I’m just excited to see you,” Phinks mumbles bashfully. He takes a step closer but the look in Feitan’s eyes gives him pause. 

“Hmm. Speak with Machi? Hand fix?” Feitan flicks through the pages and selects a card, lingering a moment with it in his hand. “Phinks?”

“Yeah?”

“Well?” 

Phinks shivers slightly at the ice in his friend’s voice. “Yeah, my hand’s better,” he says gruffly, “and I talked to Machi.” 

“About?”

“Huh?”

Feitan sighs. “Give me hand.”

Phinks blushes as he frowns, leaping closer even as his stomach tells him he’s misunderstanding the instruction. He places his healed right hand into Feitan’s outstretched palm and laughs as he casts a spell and they’re standing somewhere else. “I am very into teleportation. This shit seems useful!”

“Phinks,” Feitan giggles. He lets go of Phinks’ warm hand reluctantly and gestures at the city. His stomach drops. A smiling heart hovers over a pristine steeple and the air is full of syrupy music humming a rhythm that sounds like someone sighing “true love.” He narrows his eyes. “What in hell?”

“Man, this game is weird,” Phinks exclaims. Let’s see what’s up with this place.” He starts walking, glancing over his shoulder when he doesn’t hear Feitan’s footsteps. 

“Book.”

“Hey! C’mon, Fei,” Phinks groans. He gestures broadly at the city and sputters vaguely. “Gotta get cards, don’t we?”

Feitan digs his hands deep into his pockets and nods shortly. He stomps over the firm ground after Phinks, fuming at the pervasive scent of roses. The city is paved with pale pink cobblestones. A woman trips over his feet and her belongings scatter and Feitan ignores the whole scene, hopping past the woman and the books and the flower petals that seemed to appear out of nowhere, zipping to his partner’s side in hopes that he can convince him they should leave this stupid city. But a stranger reaches Phinks first.

“I’m looking for models for a salon, would you be interested in a free haircut? Maybe some color?”

“Ooooh, maybe,” Phinks chuckles.

“No,” Feitan snaps. He yanks the blonde around another corner and glares at him. “What in hell?”

Phinks shrugs, amused by how angry his friend looks. “Ah, c’mon, Fei, what’s the big deal? It’s just a haircut,” he laughs.

“Idiot,” Feitan hisses, “is game, romance simulation game.”

“Oooh, romance? What, you worried I’ll fall for the hairstylist, Fei? Oh man, are you—“

“No,” Feitan snaps coldly. He shoves past Phinks and darts into a nearby store. Cards. They should find cards, and stop wasting time, and get on with the game. He’s not _jealous._ He glowers at anyone who comes near him until Phinks bursts into the shop. 

“Fei, c’mon, I was joking,” Phinks laughs. He nudges Feitan playfully and rolls his eyes when he receives a dead-eyed stare. “Have a little fun, will ya? It’s a fucking game, man.”

Feitan snorts and slips a few trinkets into his pockets. They fade in his hand and reappear on the table next to him. “Stupid game,” he mutters, “no stealing. Stupid.”

“Yeah, that’s getting annoying,” Phinks yawns. He lifts the sleeve of a leather jacket and shrugs. “Well? Should we go find some cards, or what?”

Feitan nods and slips back into the streets. A woman collides with him, tumbling to the ground with a loud shout about her glasses. Feitan scowls and steps on the frames before scurrying a few blocks away. Phinks appears next to him seconds later.

“Fei, I don’t think you’re supposed to be that mean to the characters,” Phinks whispers. 

“Feh,” Feitan scoffs. He scowls as he notices they’re surrounded by nightclubs and neon signs. This stupid city is a nightmare. 

Phinks laughs loudly as he spots a karaoke bar. “Let’s have some fun, Fei, c’mon,” he calls over his shoulder, grinning at the rage in the narrow eyes that look back at him. He ducks into the dark building and grabs a booth. Feitan slowly drifts in a few minutes later, hands deep in his pockets. Phinks grins. “You want a drink?”

“Ugh. Fine,” Feitan mutters. He slumps into the seat and glares at the songbook. “This stupid,” he hisses, “waste time.”

“Ah, who cares, man? We got all the time in the world to finish the game,” Phinks chuckles, “we’re waiting for Chrollo, remember?” He hops over to the bar and reappears with a pitcher of something bright blue. 

Feitan wrinkles his nose. “What?”

“Dunno, it’s all they serve,” Phinks laughs. He pours some into a cup and takes a swig, coughing slightly at how syrupy the drink is. “Damn, that’s sweet. They call it Aphrodite’s Poison or something, tastes like it’s got about five different types of booze in it,” he says as he stares at the glass. He shrugs. “Kinda good.” 

“Ugh,” Feitan grunts. He accepts a cup anyways, gagging as soon as the liquid hits his tongue. He scowls and gulps the rest down in one go. It hits like a freight train: suddenly, everything is a bit soft at the edges, his legs are warm, and his irritation is fading. He smirks and pours himself another glass. “Not terrible,” he concedes as he sips it. 

Phinks grins and downs the rest of his drink, never one to be left behind. “Alright, what should I sing, Fei? I’m thinking—“

“No, no song,” Feitan giggles. His cheeks flush as the alcohol swirls through his mind, plucking out a memory of his friend’s rich voice slipping into the melodies of songs playing in a diner in a desert. “Or—you choose,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “you dumb idea, so you decide.” 

“Oh, you wanna hear me sing, Fei?” Phinks leers as he leans closer, chuckling to himself about how flustered Feitan looks all of a sudden. He finishes his second drink and pours more. His head is buzzing. 

Feitan rolls his eyes and shoves Phinks away. “No, baichi, never,” he laughs. He squeaks as big arms snake around his waist and crush him closer. “Phinks!”

“You’re so cute,” Phinks whispers into his hair. He presses his lips to the top of Feitan’s head and jumps up, blushing furiously. Another swig and his third glass of poison is empty. He staggers slightly as he smashes the buttons on the karaoke machine. “Alright, get ready,” he slurs.

“Phinks,” Feitan snickers. He leans back against the sticky vinyl as he refills his cup, trying not to laugh lest he encourage this behavior. The blonde is already striking a dramatic pose that’s making him feel dizzy. He holds his glass in both hands as he downs more of the mysterious blue concoction, wondering why he suddenly feels so eager to touch Phinks—or rather, to feel the blonde’s hands on his body again, to see his smile only a few inches from his own face. Feitan blinks slowly as the song starts. He doesn’t recognize it at first, but he lets out a groan when Phinks starts singing. Nobunaga and Uvogin used to play this dumb song _all_ the time, to the point where Chrollo banned it from Troupe parties for a few weeks. “Phinks, no,” he laughs.

“HUH? CAN’T HEAR YA, FEI, MUSIC’S TOO LOUD,” Phinks shouts back. He grins drunkenly and spins around to squint at the lyrics. He bursts out laughing. “Fuck, I don’t remember this shit at all,” he wheezes.

Feitan giggles and slams his drink down. “New song, baichi, too stupid,” he calls over the music. He stumbles across the small booth and collides with Phinks, laughing as they both spin clumsily on their heels. He shoves past the blonde to peek at the song list and gasps. “Oh! Oh, this!”

“Knew you could have fun,” Phinks laughs. He blushes as his eyes land on the song Feitan has selected. The first chords play and his neck aches and he cringes as the room blurs.

_“Where did you guys even find this?”_

_Phinks gives me his biggest grin as he clicks the cassette player shut again. The damned thing actually works, the first time I’ve ever seen one that does, and the rascals managed to find some music to play in it. “Just got lucky,” he says, but there’s a mischievous glint in his eye that lets me know it was stolen, most likely from the elders. Bold. And worth it. When Phinks hits play, Feitan’s eyes practically burst out of his head. It’s punk rock of some kind. Machi would love it. We never find music we can listen to more than a few times before the CD or whatever breaks. But the album plays all the way through without so much as a scratch and Feitan looks like he’s about to ascend out of his body and Phinks is jumping up and down like an electrocuted rabbit and this is the best!! This is so exciting!!!_

_“Machi’s gonna LOVE this!”_

_“Is no hers,” Feitan snaps. He snatches the tape deck from Phinks and clutches it to his chest, glaring at me. “I keep sounds.”_

_Phinks rolls his eyes and nudges Feitan playfully. “Paku just means that Machi will like hearing it too, right? We’re not giving it away, Fei, it’s all yours,” he explains carefully. He holds out his hands and the smaller boy’s eyes narrow before he gives it back. “YEAH! Fuck yeah,” Phinks shouts, “LET’S DO IT AGAIN!”_

_The song comes back on and I swear I’m going to explode! It’s so loud and angry and excited, so many crazy sounds I can’t even identify, and Phinks places the player on the ground and grabs my hands and then we’re dancing! Just all these lanky limbs spinning and jumping in circles and then Feitan crashes into us and we’re all laughing so hard I can’t believe we can still stand! The next song! My god, there’s so many songs! And all of them play all the way through! A few random kids show up and then Machi peeks her head around an old fridge and I’m so electrified I run right up and hug her._

_“MACHI! Look what Phinks and Feitan found! It’s MUSIC!”_

_“I CAN HEAR IT,” she shouts back. She hugs me harder and I think I’m about to take flight! So we jump! We jump and we’re crashing into all the other bodies and—_

“PHINKS?”

“HUH?”

“I NO SING,” Feitan shouts over the music. His hand is shaking around the outstretched microphone. Phinks staggers back and falls onto the couch, rubbing his face in bewilderment.

“Hold up, Fei, had a memory,” he mumbles drunkenly. The song is still playing in the karaoke booth, far better quality than the shitty little speakers on which they first heard it. He gulps down a bit more of the blue drink and manages a grin as Feitan sways awkwardly to the music. “Alright, start it over, babe,” Phinks laughs.

Feitan blushes under his cowl and hits the button. “You—you sing,” he giggles nervously. He yelps as Phinks grabs his hands and starts jumping. “Baichi!”

“REMEMBER FINDING THAT TAPE DECK?”

“YES, BAICHI, IS WHY I PICK,” Feitan yells back. He shrieks when Phinks scoops him off the floor, beating against his shoulders as the blonde spins him around in a tight hug. “PHINKS!”

“DOWNN, down, DOWN,” Phinks slurs randomly. The words on the screen are swimming before his vision, not that he would need them for this song. They listened to that tape until it caught fire. He drops Feitan to the floor and shouts the next line directly into his face. 

“AHHHHHHHHHH,” Feitan screams back, vaguely in tune with the song. He collapses in a fit of giggles, far too drunk and excited to keep standing, and yells a few more words up at his partner. The room spins like a carnival ride. Everything is blue and purple and red and Phinks, everything is Phinks, flinging his jacket across the booth and grabbing the microphone like a rockstar. Feitan can’t stop laughing. He knows there must’ve been something other than alcohol in those drinks, because the blonde looks like he’s glowing, but he’s too wasted to care, and all he can think of is how loud his own heartbeat is. He pushes himself to his elbows and shouts the main line of the chorus when Phinks points the mic in his direction, slurring the words together until they’re nearly unrecognizable. Phinks throws the microphone down and then he’s crashing into Feitan as the wordless music keeps playing and Feitan grunts as his head is rammed into the table and then the floor, grabbing the blonde’s head to kiss him harder. Big hands paw hungrily at his cloak. Gelled hair crunches slightly under his fingers as his hands ball into greedy fists and for a moment Feitan thinks he can feel Phinks’ thoughts radiating through the back of his skull, can hear his voice climbing up through his fingertips and into his brain, but then he starts laughing again, convinced he’s just heard Phinks speaking in his own native tongue. “Phinks,” he gasps, “get off!”

“Kiss me,” Phinks grunts. He dives towards Feitan’s face again and coughs as a sharp knee connects with his stomach, rolling across the sticky floor as his vision swirls. “Wha—“

“No, no here,” Feitan giggles breathlessly. He manages to push himself to his feet by leaning his entire weight on the short table, falling across it with a dizzy laugh as soon as he gets his legs straight. “Is, oh god,” he laughs, “Phinks, so, so drunk, blue, is—“

“Fei, are we, oh, man—“

Phinks tries to speak but he can’t quite breathe as he watches the room spin around Feitan’s legs dangling from the edge of the table. He crawls towards them on shaky hands and knees, pulls at Feitan’s body like a lifeline, and drags himself onto the table halfway atop the smaller man. He chuckles mindlessly the whole time. 

“Help,” Feitan giggles.

“Once, once I figure out, how to stand,” Phinks pants vaguely. He buries his face in Feitan’s chest with a breathy laugh. “What the fuck, fuck did we drink, Fei?”

Feitan just shakes his head as he continues laughing. A tiny piece of his mind tries to cling to logic but its grip gets looser each time he feels Phinks’ chuckles vibrate through his body. He is struck by the curious urge to wrap his arms and legs around the blonde and squeeze him until their bodies give up on being separate and finally melt into one amorphous being, a gelatinous mess of limbs and flesh and hair and bones and love. Feitan feels as though the word love is a strange one to have settled on, but he can’t recall why he doesn’t trust the word, not when the song has started playing again and he’s drowning in Phinks’ laughter and Phinks’ smell and Phinks’ weight pressing him into the table. The air hums. It tastes like the slick blue liquid they both drank so much of. Feitan grabs a fistful of blonde hair and kisses Phinks hungrily, needing to know if his tongue tastes the same. It tastes even better in his friend’s mouth. He growls as a big hand slips under his cloak.

“Sorry,” Phinks gasps. He takes his hand back and cards it through Feitan’s hair, cradling his head closer. An amused grin meets his lips. “What?”

“You want?” 

Phinks chuckles into Feitan’s neck. “Do I want you? Dumb question. Always fuckin’ want you, Fei,” he growls as he bites down. 

“Mmph, Phinks,” Feitan grunts, “I—ohhh!” His head lolls to the side as Phinks sucks another bruise into his skin and he blinks drunkenly at the frosted glass panel in the door. Shadows of other patrons stumble through the dark hallway outside. Feitan giggles. “Rock, star,” he laughs, “perform, perform concert?”

“Huh?” Phinks pushes himself higher on the table and frowns down at the other man. For a moment he sees two Feitans grinning up at him. He rubs his eyes as Feitan sits up and gestures vaguely at the speakers. “Uhhh, huh?”

“We give performance,” Feitan snickers. “Pretty boy makes me sing, yes?”

“I’m so dizzy,” Phinks burps.

Feitan laughs until he feels Phinks’ arms wrap around him. He clutches the blonde’s face. “Fuck me, marry me, kiss me, kill me, everything!”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Phinks grunts. He rips his shirt off and goes for Feitan’s cloak, laughing excitedly when the smaller man flings his clothes across the room and tackles him onto the floor. “God, I love—“

“Fuck me,” Feitan rasps, abruptly flicking a switchblade against Phinks’ neck. He grinds down on his erection and grins. His hips hop up as he shoves the blonde’s pants aside, twisting slightly while he rummages through his pockets. The knife goes a bit deeper and Phinks chuckles. Feitan whips around and kisses him passionately, intoxicated by the feeling of his big hands on his body. Phinks finds the lube and then Feitan moans as a finger pushes inside him and he leans on the knife until Phinks is coughing and he smells blood. “Yes, yes, you know,” he whispers. 

Phinks gags when the pressure releases on his throat but he recovers quickly, kicking Feitan’s legs apart to knock the small man onto his back. Teeth come down on his wound. He moans and prematurely shoves a second finger into Feitan, using his knees to press his thighs up against his stomach. “Fuck, baby—oh, yeah?”

“Mmmphnnghh,” Feitan groans into his neck. The fingers inside of him curl and his toes follow suit as the song starts again. His intoxicated mind can make out the voices of strangers singing in other booths and he laughs, falling back to the sticky floor with a gasp when Phinks’ fingers thrust a bit faster. He giggles breathlessly up at the blonde, considering what he looks like when framed in his heavy eyelashes. “Oh, oh-ohh, y-yes, now—“

And their lips are colliding, all greed, hands roaming and Feitan moaning as Phinks slowly guides his cock into him and Phinks gasping an excited laugh into his mouth, “Get, fuck—on the, the booth, oh, god, baby, you feel—“

“Ugh, love, love you,” Feitan moans. He groans in frustration when he feels Phinks pull back out. His back leaves the disgusting floor and lands on the vinyl of the benches and arches up as Phinks’ cock pushes into him again. “Yesssss,” he hisses excitedly. 

Phinks grunts and stands up to grab Feitan’s hips with both hands. He’s too drunk to go as slow as he would normally. He ruts into him blindly, letting his head fall back in ecstasy as he feels his warmth wrapping around him. The song is still playing, wordless and familiar, and Phinks laughs vaguely as one of his own memories crosses his mind: a late night around a small trash fire, Feitan curled up next to the tape deck and sleeping peacefully through the high-energy tunes. He drops forwards onto a hand and pants down at Feitan’s breathless grin. No words will come, but he doesn’t mind, he knows the smaller man must recognize the adoration in his eyes. Sweat pours over Phinks’ brow as he slows his hips to watch Feitan react to the deep thrusts. “God, Fei,” he manages to rasp, “oh, god.”

Feitan watches his own hand tenderly stroke Phinks’ cheek and giggles, wondering how it got up there without him thinking about moving his arm. The blonde’s cock slowly plunges all the way inside him and he moans, letting his arms fall back over his head. A strong hand shoves one of his knees and he lifts it higher, craving more, rocking his hips into each thrust with greedy gasps. His eyes flutter back open. Phinks looks _crazy,_ pupils wide and wavering, his mouth hanging open in hungry shock, muscles rippling under his tan skin as he moves. Feitan rolls his head to the side and sticks his tongue out lewdly. “Ahh, aha, ah, ah,” he moans, “ahhh, AH, aha!” His body still demands more and he manages to curl up enough to grab Phinks’ head and shove his tongue into his mouth, nearly losing the kiss entirely as the blonde moans and fucks him harder. A hand slides through his hair and cradles him closer and he whines happily, flinging both arms around Phinks’ neck and tugging him down, collapsing backwards in a fit of laughter as he hears someone yelling outside their karaoke booth. “Phiiiiinks, Phin, Phinks, Phinks,” he yelps in time with the music.

“Yer, fuck, fuckin crazy,” Phinks gasps through his ragged breath. He buries a laugh in Feitan’s neck as the smaller man drunkenly babbles a few words of the song and kisses every inch of his skin that he can reach, overcome with the desire to swallow him whole. Feitan clenches tighter around him and he groans. “Fei, baby, oh, fuck, fuck!”

Feitan tangles his fingers in the blonde’s hair and nips blindly at his ear as their bodies shake and rock in sync. “Mine, mine,” he growls breathlessly, “fuck, harder, mine—OH!”

“Oh yeah,” Phinks chuckles. He grunts as he pushes himself up on both arms to slam into Feitan harder, nearly collapsing again from the sight of the smaller man’s eyes rolling back and his tongue falling out of his mouth and his body arching towards his own. “Jesus, fuck,” he whines, “I’m, fuck!” He gives up on trying to speak and falls back into Feitan’s arms, tugging him closer so roughly that their bodies roll off the booth and tangle messily on the sticky floor. Phinks’ head hits the table and then he’s on his back and dizzy as all hell, blinking up at Feitan riding his cock like it’s the only thing he knows how to do. His mouth is so dry. His head lolls to the side as Feitan’s hands come down on his chest and he sees the window, laughing vaguely at the shapes of other patrons passing by. A pair of heads stops outside their door and he grabs Feitan’s hair, sitting up to kiss him hungrily, and clumsily bucks his hips into him. He yanks Feitan’s hair back and moans his name into his neck. 

“YES, YES,” Feitan screams back, and then his head hits something unidentifiable and his legs are twisted in some impossible position and he can’t keep his eyes open as Phinks fucks him as hard as he can. A rough grip clutches his ass tightly and he moans vaguely. He yelps happily as a hand lands between his thighs and clumsily strokes him, letting his head fall back with a wild laugh. “M-marry, me, forever,” he gasps through his cackle, “love me, love me!”

Phinks just grunts a curse and tries to focus on making Feitan finish first. He’s _way_ too drunk to think about what he’s saying, but the words file themselves away in his brain to be dealt with later. He yanks Feitan’s head closer and kisses him again, gagging in pain as sharp nails wrap around his throat. A thin leg somehow lands on his shoulder and then he curses loudly and collapses forward onto Feitan as his hips thrust senselessly and his cock pumps hot cum into the muscles clenching around him. “Oh, god,” he moans, “Fei, fuck, god, I can—“

“Mmph, lie, lie down,” Feitan gasps. He shoves Phinks back and slides off of his cock, wincing slightly as his body is left empty. He grabs the blonde’s head and trips forwards, landing with an arm on the table and his legs spread around Phinks’ neck. His vision spins. Big hands grab his thighs and pull them lower and he groans excitedly as Phinks’ lips wrap around his cock and his tongue laps exactly the way it needs to and Feitan shudders, he thrusts his hips down, he digs his nails into the table and the thick hair until the wood splinters and the skin breaks and he can feel blood, fucking the blonde’s mouth as aggressively as he can. He finishes into his throat with a low moan. Feitan collapses backwards onto Phinks’ chest, panting. He can’t feel his legs. The ceiling looks like an ocean. Loud music drills through his skull and his body rises and falls with the blonde’s heavy breathing. “Ah, ahaha,” he gasps vaguely. 

“Holy shit,” Phinks croaks after swallowing a few times. The sticky, itchy carpet clings to his shoulders as they slump down. He can still see two figures outside their door, leaning together as if they’re discussing whether they should enter. He grins drunkenly. “Feeeeiiiii, we gotta gooooo,” he chuckles. 

“No move,” Feitan rasps. He whines as Phinks rolls over, falling face first onto the disgusting floor without bothering to brace himself. “Rude, rude,” he mumbles into the carpet, “big idiot.” He burps loudly and cackles at nothing, curling his naked legs closer as he feels cum sliding down his thighs. “So blue,” he giggles.

Phinks nods absentmindedly and crawls across the floor as best he can, gathering their clothes as he stumbles over his hands and knees. He rolls onto his back and yanks his pants on before sitting up to pull the shirt over his head. Sitting up makes the whole room look fractured. Phinks chuckles vaguely and leans towards Feitan, throwing his clothes in his face. “C’mon, babe,” he slurs, “les get outta here, go, go fuck again, yeeaaahh, leggo!”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Feitan shouts. He drags his cloak down from his face and grins at Phinks. “You like when we fuck, baichi?”

“Uhhh, duh,” Phinks laughs. He pushes himself forwards and clumsily crashes their faces together in what passes for a kiss. “Mmm, I love you,” he mumbles, “love fuckin’ you, love kissin’ you, love bein’ with ya, Fei.”

Feitan giggles and tugs his cloak over his head. His arms tangle as he loses track of the sleeves and he falls over, laughing idiotically as he rolls around in the mess of fabric. “Oh nooo, Feitan no arms,” he snickers through the cloak, shoving the top of his head through the neck hole to wiggle his eyebrows at Phinks. 

“I can’t remember the last time I saw you this drunk,” Phinks chuckles. He grabs a fistful of the cloak and yanks it lower, laughing as Feitan kicks his legs out from under him and pulls him to the floor. Their mouths collide again and he smiles as he hugs Feitan closer. Giddy laughter breaks them apart. “Babe,” Phinks pants, “we can’t, stay here, gotta go—“

“Boo,” Feitan giggles. He shuffles his limbs through his clothes and hops up, falling backwards onto the couch. “You look crazy,” he laughs as he watches Phinks try to stand. 

“Ima, man, I’m tall,” Phinks gasps. He stares down at the floor, wondering why it’s so far away, and staggers a few steps in what he hopes is the direction of the door. “Christ, I’m so drunk,” he whines. 

“Mmmph... where we go?”

“Uhhh... dunno,” Phinks mumbles drunkenly. He collides with the door and feels the handle turning and then he stumbles into the hallway, scaring off the gossiping employees who’d been lurking outside their booth. He ducks his head back in. “Fei, c’mon!”


	6. Anybody Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phinks and Feitan make their way to a hotel and continue what they started in the karaoke bar. Strangely, though, the change in location alters their lucidity. And their anger.

After a minute that lasts a year, Feitan eventually manages to get on his feet and take a few steps. He giggles as he trips over his untied boots and falls into Phinks’ back, shoving him forwards as he rocks on his heels. The blonde laughs and takes his hand. Feitan’s whole body feels warm as Phinks’ enormous palm envelops his slender fingers and tugs him down the hall. It’s a curious warmth: all-encompassing and just short of unbearable, but not scalding or itchy like a real burn. He’s suddenly overcome by a wave of embarrassment and yanks his hand back. He pushes past Phinks and staggers into the street, gasping in shock as cold air strikes his lungs. His vision clears. A heavy hand lands on his shoulder and he rolls his eyes. “What was that? I not as drunk now,” he mumbles suspiciously.

“Who cares? God, I love you,” Phinks babbles excitedly. He leans down to kiss Feitan and stumbles as the smaller man crosses the street without warning. “Hey, get back here!”

“Is not love, baichi,” Feitan grumbles under his breath. He squints down an alley and smirks. “We find place for stay, yes?”

Phinks nods as he trails after Feitan, baffled by the sudden switch in his attitude. He clears his throat as they stop in front of one of the many love-themed hotels. “Fei, back there, you said—“

“Mm, quiet,” Feitan purrs, “not done with you.” He pushes up to his toes and grabs a fistful of Phinks’ jacket, yanking him into a clumsy kiss. His head is still fuzzy. He can’t remember what he was concerned about a moment ago, he only knows that his body craves the other body beside him, and he doesn’t care that Phinks seems to be frowning in confusion against his mouth. Feitan grunts as Phinks stumbles backwards. “Wh—“

“Well,” Phinks burps. He forces a grin and trips over his feet into the hotel lobby, pointing vaguely at the desk. The receptionist smiles a programmed smile and offers him a key as he drunkenly waves his ring under a scanner. Feitan snatches his wrist and they tumble into an elevator and Phinks wraps his arms around his frail body and lifts him from the floor, slamming his back against the glass wall as their mouths crash together. The floor jerks upwards. Slender legs wrap around the blonde’s waist and he pulls them closer. “Mmph, babe, I’m—“

Feitan clutches Phinks’ jaw to cut him off. He smirks as he leans his head against the glass wall of the elevator. “Did I ask? Dumbass,” he slurs, “you want more, you—“

“Fuck that,” Phinks growls. He smashes his fist into the wall behind Feitan so forcefully that the glass shatters, laughing meanly as the smaller man screeches and clings to him. He staggers away from the drop and collides with the elevator door. “Yeah, I—fuck,” Phinks gasps, tripping backwards through the doors as they slide open. 

“Bitch,” Feitan hisses. He uses the imbalance to shove Phinks to the floor, scrambling across the carpet as the blonde reaches for him. He kicks sharply and cackles at the feeling of Phinks’ head jerking away from his foot. “I is—AH!”

Phinks snarls as he snatches Feitan’s outstretched leg and yanks it into the air. “Fuck you, Fei,” he spits, dragging himself to his feet as he holds the smaller man upside down. He drops Feitan again and rushes down the hall. Feitan appears next to him just as he’s swiping the card and then they’re on the floor of the hotel room, scratching and grabbing and crawling across the carpet in a tangle of wet mouths and furious limbs. Phinks manages to stand up again and hurls Feitan onto the bed, ripping his clothes away as he tackles him. “You’re so fucking hot, fuck,” he growls into Feitan’s neck. 

“Mmph, fuck me,” Feitan groans. He gasps excitedly as Phinks shoves two slick fingers into him. “Good—good—yes—YES, PHIIIINKS!”

“Ohhh, fuck,” Phinks whines. He awkwardly pushes another inch of his cock into Feitan beside his fingers, unsure why he was possessed by the urge to repeat this endeavor. It’s almost impossible to move. Feitan is already panting heavily, arching off the bed with each breath, and each slight twitch of Phinks’ fingers makes his whole body clench. The blonde chuckles drunkenly. “You look like a whore, Fei, you like when I do this?”

“Nnnghhh, Ph-Phinks,” Feitan whimpers, “oh, oh f-fuck, so much, please—AH, AHA!” His back curls up again as Phinks’ fingers slide almost all the way out. It feels like his body is being pulled apart. He squeezes his eyes shut and digs his nails into the powerful arm planted beside his head. “Ph-Phinks,” he whimpers again, “I—I don’t—oh, oh, OH, I can’t—Phinks—PHINKS!”

“Such a, t-tight, tight hole, baby,” Phinks grunts as he thrusts his hand faster. He curses under his breath as Feitan’s nails draw blood. “Damn, you thought you’d be in charge, huh? Thought you were gonna make me earn fucking my little whore again? Nice, nice try,” he gasps, “I do what I want with you, Fei, you’re—“

Feitan manages to fling an arm up and scratch Phinks’ face. The blonde yelps in surprise and stumbles back before regaining his feet and using both hands to pin Feitan’s arms to the bed. The transmuter giggles up at him. “Not yours, baichi,” he teases breathlessly, “but show, show what you do, big idiot!”

“Fuck you, asshole,” Phinks snarls. He smacks Feitan across the face and twists his hips to the side. Before Feitan can react, Phinks yanks a leg up and shoves his cock back into the smaller man’s stretched hole, grinning luridly as the aggression produces a sharp cry. “You’re, you’re mine, Fei, fuck you,” he pants as he starts to rock into him, “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!”

“Nnmmph, mmhmm, ohh OH yes, yes,” Feitan shouts. He cries out again as Phinks growls and thrusts faster. “Ohhh, ohh, baichi, I love you,” he moans loudly, writhing awkwardly between his pinned wrists and rocking hips as his eyes roll back. 

Phinks grunts angrily and yanks Feitan’s legs closer, curling around his small frame to rut into him harder. “Fuckin’ hell, Fei, you love me, or, or not, the fuck?!”

“AHH, OH, HARDER!”

“Fuck,” Phinks gasps. He pants hungrily against the sheets as he complies, managing to twist his face enough to sloppily kiss Feitan’s brow. Their bodies shake the bed violently. Feitan’s hands claw desperately at the sheets, straining fruitlessly against Phinks’ steel grip on his wrists. The blonde grunts as he sucks random areas of pale skin into his mouth. “You like that, baby? Getting fucked, fuck, h-hard?”

“Yes, yes,” Feitan moans, “so, s-so good, baichi, my, my, ohhh, god! YES!” He lets out a shuddering groan as Phinks’ hips slow and deliberately rock against his without pulling back. The blonde’s cock feels as though it’s grinding impossibly deep into his body. He whimpers slightly at the fullness. “Ph-Phinks—I, oh, OH!”

“Yeah, fuck, I love you,” Phinks growls in his ear. He tucks his chin around Feitan’s shoulder and slips his free hand between his slender legs, awkwardly hooking one over his own hip. Feitan’s body is a twisted L underneath his curled form. Phinks wraps his hand around Feitan’s bobbing erection and strokes down as though pulling him onto his own cock. He keeps moving his hips as slowly as he dares. The forceful plunges earn a soft, excited whine and tensed muscles. Phinks grins. “I like fucking you slow, Fei,” he mumbles breathlessly, “really, fuck, feeling you, like this—“

“Unnghh—“

“T-Taking, all, all of it, when you, yeah, don’t even pretend anymore, you, you—“

“Phiiiinks, fuuck!”

“You need it, baby, don’t you? Need, fuck,” Phinks gasps into Feitan’s neck, “love when I hold you, fuck you, make you cum, baby, you gonna cum? You’re so t-tight, I can feel how close, fuck, close you are, already, Fei—“

“Yes, yes—“

“And you love when I do this,” Phinks murmurs as he rubs his thumb under the head of Feitan’s cock, biting down on the smaller man’s pale neck while he moves the rest of his hand closer to the base. His hips thrust a bit faster as Feitan bucks into him. “Yeah, fuck—“

“Oh, oh, OH—“

“Fei, baby—“

Feitan whines loudly and twists his head in a blind attempt to find Phinks’ face. “K-Kiss—“

“Mmph,” Phinks moans as their lips collide. He feels Feitan’s body spasm around his cock and heels kicking into his back and then he feels hot cum spilling into his hand as he clutches the smaller man closer. Feitan moans into his mouth and Phinks grins as he lets their heads fall back. “Damn, you’re gorgeous,” the blonde whispers, overcome with a wave of dizziness from the sight of his lover’s clouded eyes blinking at him. 

“Mm,” Feitan hums. He feels Phinks start to move and gasps quietly. 

Phinks releases Feitan’s limp wrists to lean on a hand and wipe sweat from his brow. He curls down to kiss him again and strokes his hair, tucking his slim shoulders between his elbows. “That was fast for you, huh? You good, baby?”

“Mmph.”

“So, Fei,” Phinks chuckles quietly, “what next? You gonna,” a slow thrust, “take this cock,” another long draw and plunge of his hips, “or suck it?”

“Ah, mph—yes,” Feitan grunts, twisting awkwardly under Phinks until he’s looking up at his face, grinning like a drunk fool and reaching up for him, pulling him into a slow kiss and rolling their bodies into and over each other until it’s hard to distinguish which limb belongs to which body, which hips are moving, which mouths are making which sounds. Skin melts into skin and Feitan feels his muscles stretching around the thick cock inside him. His mouth bounces away from Phinks’ and his eyelids flutter, presenting blurry visions of big hands clutching his legs tightly. He giggles. “M-my, big man, aha, ohhh, taking, m-making,” grabbing Phinks’ face with both hands, “making, in love, Phinks, I,” kissing him roughly, “I love you,” rocking his hips into the blonde’s thrusts, “I love you.” He’s eager and sweaty and sticky and drunk, somehow still burning with the desire to be filled.

“Fei, fuck,” Phinks whimpers. He wraps tighter around Feitan as teeth come down on his neck, groaning another curse. He’s too far gone to notice how close they are to the edge of the bed until it’s too late. Feitan squeaks and Phinks grunts and then his leg rolls into air and Feitan falls away and Phinks spasms painfully, spraying an arc of cum as he slams facedown into the carpet. He jerks around awkwardly. “Fuck, I—“

“Baichi,” Feitan snickers. He dissolves into a fit of giggles as he watches Phinks turn over and glare at the mess underneath him, delighted by the blonde’s ruined orgasm. 

“Man, that’s so fuckin’ stupid,” Phinks grumbles sleepily. He drags himself to his feet and offers Feitan a hand. “Shower?”

The water is barely hot when Feitan dips out and grabs lube from the bedroom. Phinks just grunts when he leaves, turning to lather shampoo into his hair. He feels small hands on his hips and smirks.

“Are you hugging me right now?”

“No. Spread legs,” Feitan murmurs.

“Oh, shit,” Phinks mumbles drunkenly.

“You like being good boy for me? Think you mine, hmm?” Feitan teases, rubbing his hand between the blonde’s cheeks. He shoves Phinks against the wall and grins as the tall man clumsily shuffles his legs wider apart. “You want something, baichi?”

“Whatever you wanna give,” Phinks chuckles. 

“Maybe I fuck the pretty boy, see if he cums just from hand,” Feitan murmurs into the blonde’s back. He teasingly presses his fingers against Phinks’ hole and pulls away as his lover tries to lean into his touch. “Or maybe Phinks all done, he cum twice already,” he giggles. 

“Dammit, Fei, don’t tease me like that,” Phinks whines, surprised to find he’s already ready for more after going twice.

“How long since you been fucked?”

Phinks feels his face go red as he carefully considers his answer. He knows that Feitan knows exactly how long it’s been since the smaller man topped him, but he’s bottomed much more recently, and they’ve never discussed whether they sleep with anyone else. Hot water rolls down his spine and he shrugs. “Um, a bit,” he mumbles.

“What that mean, baichi?” Feitan grins as he kisses Phinks’ shoulder blade, intrigued by how embarrassed he looks. So the enhancer  _ has _ been fucking someone else. Feitan notices a strange twitch in his own stomach as he imagines someone else sleeping with Phinks. He scowls. He refuses to be jealous. They’re not  _ dating _ or anything. Phinks sleeping with other people is  _ good, _ it means they don’t have any kind of special attachment. This is what Feitan  _ should _ want. His hand travels slowly around the blonde’s ass, caressing the firm muscles without moving too close to any particularly sensitive skin. “Explain,” he says firmly. 

“Um, just, um—like a week or two, but I—I prepped a-at the bar, just in case, you did that thing you do when you go down on me,” Phinks admits nervously. His face is burning. He stares at his hands against the tile wall and swallows hard. “Why’re you asking, Fei?” 

“Wanted to know if you tell the truth,” Feitan giggles. He reaches a hand around and slowly strokes a single finger down the length of Phinks’ half-hard cock, amused to see how his words have already aroused the blonde once more. Phinks shudders as Feitan’s finger circles his sensitive tip. Feitan licks a droplet of water off his back and continues teasing. “Danchou, then? You spread legs like whore for him, baichi?”

“Hey, I’m not—oh,” Phinks gasps. He accidentally pushes onto his toes as Feitan presses a slick fingertip into his hole, caught off guard by how quickly the smaller man has undone what little composure he possessed. He sinks back to his heels slowly, wincing slightly at the feeling of another knuckle sliding into his tight ass. “You, you know how it is,” he breathes, “it’s just—when I’m, Fei, I want—“

“Didn’t ask,” Feitan hums. He shoves his finger deeper and grins as Phinks takes a sharp inhale. “So tight, Phinks, you think you take more?”

Phinks bends his knees awkwardly and nods, unable to focus on speaking with Feitan’s finger still moving inside him. He lets out a low moan as a second finger tentatively pushes into his hole. “Fuck, Fei,” he rasps, “can I—“

“No, you do nothing,” Feitan snickers. He leans back to spread Phinks’ cheeks wider, humming approvingly as his fingers slip a bit deeper and the blonde’s chin drops to his chest. He reaches his other hand around to cup his balls. “Hmm. If I keep fingering, but not touching,” he muses as he crooks his fingers, “you think you cum? Or does Phinks go to bed needing more, still hard, pretty cock crying for my mouth?”

“You, you know I can’t do it un, untouched, Fei,” Phinks grunts breathlessly. His hands form fists as Feitan’s fingers drill into him faster. “Fuck, please, baby—“

“Hmm, you never have, doesn’t mean can’t do,” Feitan teases. He shoves Phinks’ shoulders forwards roughly and thrusts his hand deeper. The blonde whimpers as his face collides with the wet tile. Feitan laughs and spreads his fingers, twisting them around as the shower rains down over his back. His other hand roams across the blonde’s body. He tweaks his nipples, strokes his heaving abs, palms his sides appreciatively, touches every inch of Phinks’ feverish skin within reach, except, of course, his throbbing cock. “Big idiot thinks I belong him,” he laughs, “but I make rules, Phinks, I belong to nobody, not even you!”

“Please touch my dick, Fei,” Phinks whines. His hands keep sliding down the shower walls whenever he tries to steady himself. His erection bobs into the cold tile. The request only serves to make Feitan fuck him harder. “Fei, please, god—“

“Shut up, faggot,” Feitan snaps. “Tell me, you a good boy for danchou?” 

“Mm, mmhmm,” Phinks moans. He can’t tell if he’s supposed to be speaking or not. His cock aches as Feitan’s fingers press against his swollen prostate. “Nnnghh!”

“How you think I am yours if you fuck him? You know I take bigger cocks than you?”

“Fei,” Phinks groans. His hips jerk pointlessly towards the wall in a desperate search for friction. He struggles to focus on Feitan’s words as the hand in his ass thrusts faster. The idea of Feitan spread around some stranger’s huge cock makes him feel dizzy, blurring his thoughts with a confusing mix of rage, jealousy, and desire. His breath is heavy through his mouth. “F-Fei, I, I don’t know what you want,” he manages to gasp. 

Feitan smirks and slows his hand, carefully pushing a third finger into Phinks’ tight hole as the blonde clenches around him. “Need to kneel, baichi?”

“Mm, mmhm,” Phinks whimpers. His hands slip down the tile as he slowly sinks to his knees, shaking and twitching as the movements send Feitan’s fingers deeper inside him. The smaller man kneels down between his spread legs and shoves his face back into the wall. “F-fuck,” Phinks whimpers as the hand twists, “fuck, fuck, Fei, god—“

“Good boy,” Feitan croons, “you want to cum?” He grabs the base of Phinks’ cock and squeezes gently, using the grip to thrust faster. 

“Please, please lemme cum,” Phinks gasps.

“No,” Feitan giggles. He takes his hand away and rakes his nails down the blonde’s back, laughing as the pain makes Phinks’ hips jump into the hand in his ass. “Danchou biggest cock you take?”

“It’s, ah, the only one,” Phinks whimpers, “‘sides you, baby. And it, fuck, it was—“

“Two week ago, hmm,” Feitan hums thoughtfully, still pumping his hand into his panting lover. “Ah, yes, I with Machi then, but pretty boy no able to wait?”

Phinks groans and leans his forehead against the tile, trying to remember how to speak. He’d been traveling with the boss for a few months before Yorknew, sleeping together whenever Chrollo felt like it, and he remembered feeling guilty every time Feitan actually replied to one of his texts, unsure how to ask if the transmuter minded. He can’t seem to communicate it now, either. “He, he wanted it,” Phinks moans, “Fei, baby, please touch me, please, fuck, I’m—“

“I am touching,” Feitan teases as he twists his hand. His fingers flex apart and Phinks whines. “Three very much for you, no? You think you take more?”

“More?! Fei, I can’t—fuck, fuck,” Phinks whimpers, losing the ability to protest as Feitan’s fingers thrust roughly into his ass. Chrollo only topped once during the whole time they were together, and the boss always moves incredibly slowly, always trying to cling to a semblance of romance with anyone he sleeps with. Phinks’ body feels like it’s being torn apart from how aggressively Feitan’s hand is pumping into him. He shuffles his knees a bit wider with his next shaky breath and moans as his muscles contract. “Feitan,” he whines. 

“Such a pretty boy, so good, baichi,” Feitan purrs. He tenderly strokes the blonde’s sweaty brow and presses a kiss to his shoulder, slowing his hand to focus on putting pressure on his prostate. “You like that?”

“Oh, god, yeah,” Phinks moans, rocking his hips down into Feitan’s probing fingers. His cock twitches each time he feels fingertips beckon over his taut muscles. “Please lemme cum, Fei, I’ll, please, I’ll never fuck anyone else as long as we live,” he begs. 

Feitan laughs and smashes Phinks’ face into the tile. The blonde yelps in pain as his nose crunches and spews blood, but Feitan just laughs harder, rubbing his face more aggressively as blood smears across the white walls. He starts thrusting his other hand faster again as Phinks whimpers. “Why I want that? You not mine, I not yours,” he teases, “maybe I want to see this faggot taking big cocks in his tight ass, share little hole until big enough for both hands!” He shoves a fourth finger into Phinks without any warning, giggling as the blonde shouts and jerks away from him. “You take more or never fuck me again,” he snickers.

“F-Fei, I, I can’t,” Phinks gasps. His mouth is full of blood and he can’t see anything, not with Feitan’s hand still pressing his face against the wall. His body trembles as the four fingers slowly, slowly spread him open and push inside. He whimpers desperately. “Fei, hurts,” he manages to whine, “at least, m-my cock, please—“

“Oh, too bad,” Feitan hums into his shoulder. He leans his weight into the hand on Phinks’ face and thrusts the other one again, giggling as the big blonde bucks wildly against the pain. “Almost all in, Phinks, legs wider,” he murmurs, “know you want me happy, baichi.” 

Phinks whimpers and inches his knees further apart, crying out as Feitan’s hand slips deeper. His hands paw vaguely at the wet tile. His cock feels like it’s on fire from all the taunting and fucking and not being touched, his ass is spread wider than it’s ever been, and he can barely breathe through his bloody nose and open, rasping mouth. He tries to shake his head but only succeeds in rubbing his face against the tile again. Four fingers slowly twist inside him and he groans as his body shakes. 

“So good, such a good boy, Phinks,” Feitan croons. He carefully curls his wrist and plunges his fingers deeper, watching the blonde’s fingers grasp at the wall. “Went drinking with Nobu once,” he says thoughtfully, “not sure how many cocks I take that night, maybe five? You still think I need this one?” 

“Mmmnnngh!”

“Oh, you want to see how? Sure, I show you tomorrow,” Feitan teases. He grabs Phinks’ neck and squeezes it tightly, licking up part of his spine as he buries most of his hand inside the blonde’s ass. “You just one toy, baichi,” he murmurs, “don’t get cocky.” He yanks Phinks’ neck away from the wall and shoves his face into the shower floor, twisting their bodies awkwardly to keep his hand inside Phinks. The blonde gurgles as his bloody nose splashes into the shallow water collecting on the shower floor. Feitan giggles and thrusts faster. He’s trying to decide how he wants to reward Phinks for taking this: will he start stroking his cock, let him cum as he’s fucked? Or has Phinks earned a blowjob? Feitan hums thoughtfully to himself and curls a small finger against the blonde’s prostate as the others continue plunging. 

“Feiughh, hurk,” Phinks gasps into the floor. He rocks his hips back into Feitan’s hand, shocked by the motion as it happens. His eyes roll slightly as he realizes that this hand is much smaller than what he made Feitan take just half an hour earlier. He groans through his teeth and tries to fuck himself harder, wishing he could make himself cum already. His legs feel like jelly. Something dribbles down the tip of his cock and he grunts out a sob, desperate for even the tiniest amount of attention on that part of his body. His chest tightens as his wasted mind catches up to what Feitan’s been saying. Just one  _ toy.  _ Phinks squeezes his eyes shut and tells himself the transmuter is just messing with him to make the fucking more humiliating. He whimpers as he feels Feitan’s hand slow down. “No, not more, Fei, please,” he manages. 

“No more? Okay,” Feitan giggles. He yanks his hand back and hops across the shower, dissolving into drunk laughter as Phinks whines and falls forward. The blonde’s legs shake violently as he tries to roll onto his back. 

“Fei, c’mon, I—“

“You say no more, so I stop,” Feitan chides. He stands over Phinks and teasingly presses the sole of his foot against his throbbing erection, slowly pushing it down towards his body. “Must not want to cum, baichi,” he teases. 

Phinks just groans and lets his head fall back to the shower floor. His legs won’t stop trembling. It still feels like Feitan’s hand is buried in his ass. He draws a few shuddering breaths as the small foot presses into his cock. “Fei,” he finally whines, “whaddya want me to do? I... I can take more, if you need me to, baby, just lemme cum, please, I’ve been—“

“Shut up,” Feitan laughs. He cocks his head to the side as he considers Phinks, bemused by the way his body quivers under his foot. The blonde’s chest rises and falls haphazardly around ragged breaths. Feitan smiles. “You ever think of him when we fuck?”

“No way,” Phinks gasps immediately. He forces his eyes open and manages to push himself to his elbows, breathing heavily as he meets Feitan’s mocking gaze. “How could I think of anything else,” he pants, “when, I, uh, love you, so much, Fei?”

“That a question? You not know if you love me?” Feitan grins meanly as he bends over Phinks, shoving his foot down a bit harder. The pressure sends the blonde right back to the floor with a dark moan. “I tell you, baichi,” he says in a low voice, “you not in love, just stupid.” He drops to his knees and shoves four fingers back into Phinks’ twitching hole, laughing as the blonde arches off the shower floor with a sharp cry. He quickly wraps his other hand around Phinks’ bobbing cock and starts stroking. Phinks moans loudly. “Pretty boy still want to cum?”

“Oh, god, please,” Phinks sobs, “please, Fei, I’m so close—“

“I know, so tight,” Feitan giggles. He squeezes the blonde’s cock and moves both hands faster. “But I not want you to cum yet. Move legs.”

“Mmmph,” Phinks groans, reaching for his legs to pull them higher. He whines loudly as the movements bring Feitan’s hand deeper into his stretched ass. “Fei, fuck,” he croaks.

“Very good boy,” Feitan says approvingly. He presses his fingers into Phinks’ prostate and smirks as precum dribbles out of his cock. He slows the hand around the blonde’s cock and teasingly rubs a thumb into his leaking slit as he drives his other hand faster, wondering if he might still manage to fuck an orgasm out of Phinks if he stops touching his cock. Definitely worth trying. He flattens his palm against the blonde’s throbbing cock and shoves it against his stomach as he drills his ass. “You cum like this?”

“Fei, god, please, suck it, s-something, please, Fei, I can’t,” Phinks sobs. He shouts something like a curse as he feels a small thumb pointing into his hole. “FEITAN!”

“You cum like this,” Feitan says again, but the words are a command this time. He grins up at Phinks through his soaking hair, shaking a few droplets of water out of his face to see him better. His entire first slowly plunges inside of Phinks and he laughs delightedly as the blonde curls his knees tighter with a high-pitched whine. “Such a good boy, Phinks,” he sneers, rubbing his palm against the base of the blonde’s cock just enough to earn a desperate groan. “Cum for me.”

“I wanna,” Phinks whines through his teeth. He curses again as the thrusts cause Feitan’s hand to jerk up the length of his cock. “P-please—“

“Cum now, faggot,” Feitan growls. He smacks the spider on the inside of Phinks’ thigh away from his shoulder and replaces his palm on the blonde’s cock, still managing to keep it steady as he fucks him. “I get bored, baichi, better cum fast,” he says threateningly. 

“Fei, Fei, Fei, fuck,” Phinks gasps. He can’t think of anything other than the hand drilling into his ass, the way his skin seems to be burning on the wet floor, his muscles contracting and convulsing around Feitan’s fingers. His eyes are glued to Feitan’s eyes glowing through jagged streaks of black hair and the water pouring from the shower. His head spins. He’s dizzy and breathless and desperate and all he can do is buck his hips into Feitan’s aggressive thrusts and hope his body will figure out how to cum without his cock being stroked. His knees keep slipping out of his wet hands. He whines like a kicked dog, loving how easy it was for Feitan to destroy him like this. His cock jumps.

Feitan swipes an arm across his face to shove his sopping black hair out of the way and grins, amazed by the look on Phinks’ face. His heart is racing. He leans forward on one hand and tries to ignore the exhaustion straining the muscles of his arm, eager to keep fucking Phinks until they both collapse. The blonde’s mouth hangs open again and Feitan curses his own weakness for him as he feels his body leap forward. Their mouths crash together as Phinks moans and Feitan smiles against his lips, intoxicated by the power he holds over him and the familiar taste of blood in his mouth. He strokes his sweaty cheek gently as he thrusts his hand harder. Phinks’ eyes flutter open with a low groan and Feitan gasps quietly, losing track of his own body as he sees the adoration under his tears. “Oh, Phinks, I—I love you,” he pants suddenly, “such a, fuck, good, good boy for me! Oh—“ He kisses him again, but pulls back to catch his breath, rasping excitedly as he brushes wet blonde hair aside. “My pretty boy, my love, baichi, you can!”

“Oh nnnghh,” Phinks moans. His body spasms and he cries out as he feels his cock flail against Feitan’s legs, clenching tight around the hand in his ass and grabbing blindly for the transmuter’s hair. He gasps something that might be Feitan’s name as thick cum dribbles out of his cock and his muscles convulse, whimpering pathetically at the bizarre feeling of an orgasm starting deep inside him rather than from stimulation on his cock. “I, I love you, too, F-Fei,” he mumbles drunkenly, collapsing back to the floor with a groan as the tremors slowly subside. 

Feitan blinks in shock and carefully removes one finger at a time, keeping his hand pumping just enough to bring the blonde all the way through his orgasm. He flexes his wrist and holds it under the shower as he considers Phinks’ shuddering form on the floor. His hand is slightly cramped, but he’d been expecting to keep fingering the blonde for at least another ten minutes before letting him cum. He hadn’t meant to say that he loved him—in fact, everything he’d said after kissing him completely contradicted everything else he’d been trying to achieve—but the words had swelled in his throat like an unstoppable tidal wave right as their lips had met. He swallows awkwardly and stands up.

“Holy fuck,” Phinks rasps after a few moments. His body feels as though it’s shed itself. He drags his hands down his face and peers up at Feitan, watching as he scrubs his slender legs. Phinks grins drunkenly to himself. “Ha, ha,” he says as loudly as he can manage.

Feitan snorts without turning around. “What is funny?”

“You said you love me, dummy,” Phinks teases breathlessly. He pushes up onto his elbows and winces as his sore ass grinds into the tile. “You totally do, too, cause you said it in that little voice you use when you don’t realize you’re thinking out loud,” he proclaims. 

“Needed you to finish, arm is tired,” Feitan snaps dismissively. “You always cum when I say that, baichi.” He rubs shampoo into his hair and frowns at the wall, mortified to hear he has a specific tone of voice when he speaks without thinking. The water courses over his skull and he squeezes his eyes shut. 

Phinks groans as he tries to get onto his feet. He makes it to his knees before his legs wobble and he collapses forward, scrambling on all fours on the wet tile behind Feitan’s legs. “Fuck,” he grunts, “goddamn, how the hell do you ever walk?” 

Feitan just rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his wet hair. He turns around to look at Phinks, smirking at the sight: the blonde looks absolutely _wrecked,_ blood still dribbling out of his nose, bruises and scratches all over his heaving body, muscles twitching and trembling with each breath. Feitan hums happily and steps out of the shower. “Clean up,” he says in a bored tone. He grabs a towel and disappears into the room before Phinks can respond.

It takes almost ten minutes for Phinks to get back on his feet. He grumbles to himself as he slowly scrubs his body, wincing each time he moves his legs, and washes his hair without leaving the floor. He shuts the shower off and pouts at his reflection. “Why does he always leave so fast? Fuckin’ rude,” he mutters into a towel. He gingerly presses a few fingers to his throbbing nose and sighs. “Fuck, that was hot.” 

Feitan pulls the covers a bit closer as he listens to Phinks waddle through the room, trying to stifle his laughter. The blonde’s footsteps are clunky and uneven in a way he’s never heard them. Feitan hugs himself tightly as he thinks about how fun it was to finger Phinks like that, still shocked that the blonde managed to take the entire fist without fighting back. He hadn’t really expected Phinks to be ready, only planning to tease a bit before sucking his dick to make up for falling on the floor mid-orgasm. He should’ve kissed him again. The hotel pillows smell like lavender and roses. Feitan wrinkles his nose and rolls over, trying to ignore the part of his mind that’s still focused on Phinks sleeping with Chrollo. He’s long been aware that almost everyone in the troupe has fucked the boss, including himself, so why does the confirmation that Phinks was last before Chrollo disappeared still make his stomach feel like a burning knot? It must be the combination, Feitan decides, the knowledge that Phinks was the last one chosen. And he didn’t say anything. He scowls at the wall as Phinks stumbles into the edge of the bed. What a childish thing, to fret over such a small detail. Still. Feitan preferred to know everything that had anything to do with the Troupe. 

“Fei, goddamn,” Phinks chortles. He drags himself onto the mattress and clumsily wraps around the smaller figure as best he can, leaving a lazy kiss on the back of his head as he slips over him. His head crashes into the pillow and he grins. “You’re the hottest motherfucker in the world,” he yawns.

“Mm. Goodnight,” Feitan grunts. He flips over again, strangely reluctant to look at Phinks. Large hands wrap slowly around his waist and he rolls his eyes. “Not done?! Greedy bastard!”

“I just wanna cuddle, man,” Phinks mumbles bashfully. He buries his face in Feitan’s neck and inhales deeply, letting a wave of exhaustion roll through his body with the sweet scent of the hotel’s soap. “Fei?”

Feitan sighs. “What now?”

“Whoa, what’s with the attitude? C’mon, Fei, I just let you shove your whole fuckin’ hand up my ass,” Phinks chuckles sleepily. He tries to kiss Feitan’s cheek and frowns as the transmuter leans away. “Feitan? I—did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to cum?”

“Just tired, baichi,” Feitan mutters. He can’t help a small smirk at the query, though, amused that the blonde would jump back to orgasm denial so soon. “I just tired,” he says again, trying to soften his voice so Phinks will stop asking questions. “So much fucking today.”

“Mmm, I’ll say,” Phinks murmurs, “god, I love fucking you, Fei, love this perfect little ass on my cock, seeing your pretty face going all crazy while you take it, I—“

“Ugh, shut up,” Feitan groans. 

“Sorry,” Phinks mumbles. He shifts his weight nervously, wincing slightly at the feeling of his ass rubbing against itself, and pulls Feitan a bit closer. A moment of silence rests on their shoulders until Phinks sighs loudly. “Please talk to me, Feitan,” he mumbles into his neck.

Feitan stiffens. “Told you, is late,” he says quietly. He squeezes his eyes shut as Phinks slowly turns him over. “Phinks, need rest—“

“Fei, I’d rather cut off my dick than fuck Chrollo again if it upsets you this much,” Phinks interrupts. “I’m not kidding around when I say—“

“Don’t be idiot, Phinks,” Feitan snaps, “I no care who you fuck! I fuck many people!”

“Then why are you being so weird?! You told me to fucking _marry_ you in that stupid bar, then we come back here—“

“Was drunk, am drunk, shut up,” Feitan argues.

“You say I’m yours, you say I’m not, you—“

“Said shut up,” Feitan snarls.

“Love me, you don’t love me, I don’t GET it, Fei!”

Feitan trembles slightly and then steels his entire body, glaring at Phinks as meanly as he can. He shoves the blonde away and sits up. “We too drunk for this,” he snaps. He folds his arms over his chest and directs his glare to the wall. “I like fucking you, idiot, but you talk too much. Maybe we should stop.” 

“Oh, fuck off,” Phinks groans. He flops back on the bed, his muscles too worn out to sit up. “You’re the one who jumped me in a fuckin’ karaoke bar,” he sneers. 

“You kissed first,” Feitan shoots back. 

“And you might fuck strangers, but you clearly aren’t getting what you want, cause you were all over my dick the second you got into Yorknew,” Phinks adds. “So go ahead, act like you’re gonna give this up, Fei, I’d like to see you try!”

Feitan snorts derisively. “You just easy to fuck,” he says meanly, “would fuck anything comes near you. Needed someone to steal game, knew you come if I suck dick, so I suck dick, idiot. Easy.” He slides out of the bed and yanks his pants on, feeling strangely sick. 

“You don’t—you don’t mean that,” Phinks says slowly. His head swims with the memory: moments after Chrollo finished explaining the plan, Feitan dragged him into an empty room and tugged his cock out, sucking it like he’d been waiting to do so for months. Phinks had finished embarrassingly fast. He rubs his eyes and tilts his head towards the sounds of Feitan getting dressed. “Oh, c’mon, Fei, just get back into bed.”

“Fuck you,” Feitan snaps. He pulls his cloak over his head and grabs the handle of one of his knives, trying to think straight. The particular knife he lands on was a gift from Phinks. His neck aches. Phinks’ eyes are huge and pleading. Feitan stumbles backwards and shakes his head, losing his train of thought. “I—you—just—“

“Fei? Fei, are you okay?” Phinks forces himself into a sitting position, groaning painfully as his abused muscles strain. He squints at the dark figure swaying across the room. “Feitan?”

“Ugh,” Feitan grunts. A familiar itch is settling into place at the nape of his neck. He sinks to his knees with a heavy sigh, deciding to accept whatever memory Pakunoda has for him today. 

_ “They did not!” _

_ “They absolutely did,” Machi snorts, “and both of those idiots freaked out at me when I mentioned it! I mean, can you imagine anything gayer?” _

_ I laugh at this, fairly jealous that we didn’t think of it first. Maybe I can convince her to get matching tattoos of our own. “Do you know whose idea it was?” _

_ “Does it really matter? I mean, probably Phinks, but—“ _

_ “Ah, so he does feel the same.” I blush as I realize I’ve interrupted her. “Sorry, Machi, I just mean—“ _

_ She gives me a knowing look. “What are you hiding, Paku?” _

_ I can’t help smiling at her. God, in another life, maybe we could... it doesn’t matter. “Oh, nothing you haven’t figured out. They’ve been living together all year, haven’t they?” _

“Only six months,” Feitan mumbles to himself. His hand lands atop his thigh and he absentmindedly traces the lines of his spider tattoo through his clothes. He keeps his eyes closed, but Machi’s smile is already fading, and he can hear Phinks saying his name. He blinks at the carpet slowly. “Hmm.”

“Paku?”

Feitan nods and stands up. He pulls his cloak back over his head and lets it fall to the floor. He sighs quietly as he drags his eyes up the bed to meet Phinks’ concerned gaze. “Phinks?”

“Yeah?”

“I not nice. You know this?”

Phinks snorts. “What? You nearly broke my nose like, twenty minutes ago, Fei. I’m very aware you’re a mean little fucker,” he laughs sleepily.

“Why you think you love me then?”

“Huh? Oh, I just do,” Phinks yawns, “I mean, I just know I do, like how I know I’ve got hands, man, I dunno!”

Feitan sighs and wraps his arms around his stomach. The alcohol is still doing circles in his veins. He rolls his eyes. Phinks is probably just attached to this love idea because of Pakunoda’s memories, nothing more. It’s not as though someone else taught them how to feel something like that. Feitan sighs again as he watches Phinks watching him. “Why saying so much these days, baichi? Thought you just liked to say when fucking,” he says carefully. 

“And I thought you knew what I meant the first time I said it,” Phinks says softly. He shrugs and fiddles with the covers. “And I thought you—well, whatever,” he sighs, “it’s fine, Fei, we can drop it if you wanna go to bed.”

“I did not know,” Feitan murmurs. He perches on the edge of the bed and stares down at the fading cum stain on the carpet. “You not say to danchou, then? Or others?”

“Nope. And I don’t really fuck anyone else,” Phinks mumbles. He sighs quietly. “You’re, well—you’re different, Fei, it’s always been different with you,” he adds nervously. 

“Hmm. Ok,” Feitan muses. He frowns. “Babe is just me, then? Not... habit?”

“Habit?” Phinks laughs and rolls closer to Feitan, freezing with his arms halfway to wrapping around the smaller man’s waist. “I don’t have any habits, Fei, I just said I pretty much only fuck you,” he chuckles.

Feitan shakes his head slowly. “That... insane,” he finally whispers, “dangerous,  _ stupid,  _ Phinks, so stupid—“

“Whatever,” Phinks interrupts, “but, hey, does that mean  _ you _ have habits?” He sits up a bit more, grunting as his legs quiver. “Fei? Do—do you just—are you saying—“

“Every person is big to me,” Feitan says coldly. 

“Oh.” Phinks slumps back to the bed, trying not to feel hurt. He tells himself that it’s hardly surprising, given how damn tiny Feitan is, but some part of his pride still aches from the bruise. “Hmmph. Well, that’s not  _ that _ important,” he mutters into his folded arms. His eyes go wide and he jerks his head up. “Hey, wait a sec! Am I not the only baichi?”

Feitan feels his cheeks warm and glances away, embarrassed to hear the word in the blonde’s voice. He shakes his head. Phinks grabs his wrist and he jumps. “I—you are baichi, Phinks, but you know what it means?” 

“Thought it was a pet name,” Phinks shrugs. “Probably something kinda mean.”

“Is word for idiot,” Feitan laughs. His face goes a bit redder and he turns his wobbly smile on Phinks. “But—no, you... I do not say to anyone else,” he whispers. 

“Oh, thank god,” Phinks breathes. He grins bashfully and buries his face into his arms. “You wanna get back into bed? I just wanna hold you. I like knowing you’re here... babe.”

Feitan rolls his eyes. His legs are already moving. He hops into the bed beside Phinks and kisses his elbow. “Baichi—“

“Oh, I don’t think I can move,” Phinks mumbles. “Fuck, my fuckin’ hips—my ASS, dude! I still think you’re being real mean to a guy who just jizzed getting fisted.”

“Oops,” Feitan giggles sleepily. He slowly wraps his arms around Phinks’ bicep and inches closer, kissing his way up to his shoulder. “Apologies, baichi, you very brave,” he murmurs. He grins as he remembers watching the blonde’s face contort as he spasmed on the shower floor. “So hot, too.”

Phinks smiles and tilts his head to look at Feitan. The soft glow of street lamps through the window illuminates his dark, wet hair from behind and creeps across his pale cheekbones. “Damn, you’re gorgeous, Fei,” Phinks sighs, “I really do—wait, if I say I love you, will you freak out again?”

“Too tired,” Feitan mutters. 

“Well, I do,” Phinks yawns.

“Baichi.”

“G’night.”

Feitan waits until Phinks’ breathing settles into a steady rhythm and slips under his arms, slowly pushing him onto his back. He smiles to himself as he gazes up at the blonde through heavy eyelids. “Baichi,” he mumbles again. His thoughts drift to their matching tattoos as he buries his face in Phinks’ pectorals and he giggles sleepily, closing his eyes. He hooks his thigh across the blonde’s leg. They sleep, spiders intertwined. 


End file.
